Leonard’s Lament lyrics

[Church]
Another day I'm stuck here, another day goes by
Another day I ask myself: why do I even try
These sh*theads all around me? They poke and prod and pry
Sometimes I wish that I'd just...
Die!

Tucker: Oh, come on, Church. Your life's not that bad
Caboose: Yeah! Plus you already died once
Church: And whose fault was that, Caboose?
Caboose: Tucker did it
Tucker: Sheila did it!
Sheila: I would rather not get involved in this
Church: All of you shut up! You want to know about my life? I'll tell you

[Church singing.]
My 9 to 5 is filled with misery
My girlfriend's always such a b*tch to me
I think my death count's pushing three
I just don't get how this is hard to see
And as I lie awake at night?
I. Just. Want. To. DIE!

Tucker: Oh please! [singing] You're overly dramatic
Doc: You're clearly, asymptomatic
Sheila: Your life is hardly, that traumatic
Caboose: But your girlfriend is half aquatic...

Church: Y'know, I think I change my mind. I, wish, you'd, all, DIE!

[Everyone else chatters]

[Church]
No, really, guys- shut up
I had a whole song planned
Shut up! Shut up! Just shut the f*ck up!

[half screaming, half singing]
Living here's not going well!
This canyons my detention cell!
I feel the need to scream and yell!
I wish that you'd all BURN IN HELL!
[Church screaming]
Oh, oh, and it gets worse! I have been to jury duty 37 times! I always get the middle seat on flights! Last year, no one wished me happy birthday! f*ck all of you! f*ck everyone! And f*ck this f*cking song!