My Toilet Is a Portal to Hell lyrics

When I bought my house I felt there's something wrong in here
It's not the secret passageways or creepy chandeliers
It's coming from the room where I wash my hands and poop
The Hell gate in my toilet's what I fear

The plumbers that I've called have all been chased out the house
And I hate when I find demon babies gnawing on my couch
There's hell hounds on the roof, gremlins eating all my food
And soon I will be 6 feet underground

My toilet's a portal to the underworld
Gotta wipe away my sins
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
And you just might fall in
I get so nervous when I'm on the john
And I start to hear my name
Next thing you know I'm looking down
And I see a bowl of flames

And I loved hearing demonic voices when I take a sh*t
And my as*h*le tends to be on fire every time I sit
The next time my ass is blazed, I will p*ss on Satan's face
'cause frankly now I'm getting sick of it

When I have guests I sometimes wonder why they take so long
And when I check they've always been seduced by Satan's song
The murder's blamed on me, at least in the penitentiary
I can take a crap without the demon spawns
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
Gotta wipe away my sins
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
And you just might fall in
I get so nervous when I'm on the john
And I start to hear my name
Next thing you know I'm looking down
And I see a bowl of flames

Ah! It feels so good to finally take a p*ss!
Watch where you draw your flow!
Aw sh*t, not again!
(Laugh)
It's time to bring out the plunger, motherf*cker!
Oh no, please, not the plunger!
Die! (Laugh)
(Toilet flush)

My toilet's a portal to the underworld
Gotta wipe away my sins
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
And you just might fall in
I get so nervous when I'm on the john
And I start to hear my name
Next thing you know I'm looking down
And I see a bowl of flames
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
Gotta wipe away my sins
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
And you just might fall in
I get so nervous when I'm on the john
And I start to hear my name
Next thing you know I'm looking down
And I see a bowl of flames
(Toilet flush)