If I Married A Hooker lyrics

If it was raining whiskey by the shot
And you could keep
All of it that you caught
As sure as little piggy’s tails are pork
I’d be standing holding
Nothing but a fork

‘Cause a one-legged man
Is bound to fail
If he tries to win a prize
At kicking tails
That’s the same lopsided odds
That I keep bucking
If I married a hooker she’d quit f*cking

If I were shipwrecked
On some desert isle
With a hundred naked women Running wild
Before they’d run their fingers Through my hair
I’d probably fall asleep
And wake up queer