Global Warming Rap Battle lyrics

[intro by a Sesame Street looking puppet]
Ugh!
This heat wave is unbearable!

[Pat]
Whoa there bud, before you get your low degree on
Maybe stop and think about how you're spendin Freon
AC's seem cool but they sap a lot of power
And those ice caps are getting smaller by the hour
So if you want to "chill out", here's a solid plan:
Just crack that window or buy a nice box fan
Toss that AC cause no offence, man
But nothin feels cooler than helping the enviro-

[Murph]
f*ck THAT!
Crank this sh*t, get the frigid air rippin'
Screw the polar bears dude, my nuts got sweat drippin'
It's hot as a mofo
Humid as a b*tch
I'm about to crank this sh*t 'till we get frostbit
Install a wall-unit that can go below sixty
We're fresher in our sweaters so let's get this b*tch nippy
Convenient truth is AC is legit
So the polar ice caps can f*cking suck my di*k
[Pat]
Stay smart in the summer
Do your part in the summer
We should all play nice;
Lower lights (NAH MAN!) in the summer
Conserve in the summer
Preserve in the summer
Don't need to drink beer
Volunteer in the summer (f*ck THAT!)

[Pat]
Hold on now bud, show some hesitation
'Cause you're only three miles from your destination
A bicycle's a nice way to feel the breeze
It's easy on your knees and the fuel is free!
Stay hydrated with Mother Earth's potion
H2O! It'll keep you in motion
Helmet on, shorts hiked, ready to go
On a summertime adventure to - Oh No!

[Murph]
f*ck YOU!
It's too hot, don't bike like a dumbass
Hop in my Hummer we can guzzle Supreme gas
And if we make a stop when it's f*cking sunny
We're gonna keep the car cool and leave the engine running
We'll stay hydrated drinkin 60 ounce Redbulls
And when we're all finished throw 'em right out our windows
Littering's the bomb cause that sh*t so easy
It's someone else's problem, yo that sh*t so pleasy!
[Murph]
Get crunk in the summer
Drive drunk in the summer
Flick a cigarette butt in dry leaves in the summer (Pat: come on, man)
Start a fire in the summer
Burn a tire in the summer
If you want to get girls, kill squirrels in the summer (Pat: WHY?)

[Pat]
Summers like this I hope I'll see ya
Takin a dip at the local marina

[Murph]
f*ckIN JET SKIS
Getting mad speed
I get a mile to the gallon breaking coral reef

[Pat]
No, please stop! Man, you're killing ocean
Can't you have fun without spreading destruction?

[Murph]
Don't knock it till you try it have you ridden a jet ski?

[Pat]
I suppose that I haven't
[Murph]
Yo then get in the b*tch seat

[Pat]
Oooooooh sh*ttttttt

[Pat]
Oh my god this is great

[Murph]
Yo I told you, son

[Pat]
Yeah, we're messing with the ozone and it's tons of fun

[Murph]
Jet skis for life man, yo f*ck all the fishes

[Pat]
Who gives a sh*t about carbon emissions
Let's paint the ocean with manatee brains

[Murph]
Straight rockin up their domes yo, this sh*t is insane

[Pat]
Yeah we're killing the planet

[Murph]
But no need to dread

[Pat]
By the time the world ends

[Together]
We'll already be dead