Events Leading Up to the Collapse of Detective Dulllight lyrics
by of Montreal
There was jello in the fingerprints, Detective Dulllight discovered. This proved to be the most important finding in the case. And whereas Detectives Slocks and Slovits slobbered over smutty photographs, (Phew!) (Look at the size of those!), Dulllight had a better lead to follow
He followed the ringing to the telephone where a voice asked, "Excuse me are you so-and-so?"
"Oh so-and-so since you left I have been eating only sweets cause they remind me of you." He felt this surely was a clue. So he climbed into the tub wearing his underwear and overcoat, jumped aboard the mono boat, and followed the water down the drain
In his brain, there are file cabinets, and secretaries filing their nails. Downstairs
(But I don't want to talk about that room downstairs)
At this moment, Detective Slocks and Slovits realize that since they had reported on the crime scene this morning, each of them has aged over fifty years
Two butterflies land on their shoulders and harmonize softly in their ears:
"Where did all the time go?"
"Did you think that you'd stay young forever?"
"But at least you're still together..."
They held hands in the moonlight. The butterflies flew away, which prompted Slovits to say, "It's queer, but I miss them already.”
Then Slocks removed a fountain pen from his breast pocket, drove it deeply into Slovits' throat, and began screeching "DEATH TO THE PARCHMENT WHALE, THE ROBOT IAM LASAILE.”
While in prison, Slocks wrote one of the most revered exercises in free verse titled ‘The Cause of Gauze’:
"Oh the cause of gauze. The Manuels have fondled many memories from my lap, though each memory has its own lap, and swimmers swim laps. Even swimmers have laps however, and while in that condition many require a delicate gauze. I desire only this in my decrepitude, that I will have one more opportunity to serve as a gauze for my fellow man, and that in that state of gauze can somehow disturb the world less often with my prickly fingers."
When Detective Dulllight, returning from the catacombs, first heard the news of the Slocks and Slovets stabbing and subsequent poetry enterprise, he immediately fell to the floor and began plucking peaches from his cheeks. This eventually became a tiresome activity, so he evaporated into the cream afloat a child's bedtime cocoa