Jeff Sums It Up lyrics

[JEFF SLATER, sung]
Not long ago, there was a man
An angry guy, awkwardly aging
Committed but kinda self-destructive, whining his way
Through life 'till ambition

And circ*mstance
Conspired to deliver an opportunity
No one except a megalomaniacal actor
With nothing to really lose would consider
So then, of course, this guy puts
Oh, yeah, this guy is you, in case you were wondering
Puts on a dress, a wig, heels and actually gets the part
And surprisingly, everything goes very well
But then, and how do I say it, you f*cked it up
You really f*cked it up

You got applause, you got the fame
Except it wasn't exactly for you
And now you're in love with a girl
Who thinks you're somebody that you're not
And in case you forgot, I'll tell you who you really are
You're the guy who f*cked it up
You really f*cked it up

Listen, Mike, I know when Mr. Opportunity
Comes tip-toeing and teasing
You're the kind of man who grabs him by the balls
But then when he screams and says:
"Let go of my balls!"
You just keep on squeezing
Well, that's the time you gotta...
I lost my train of thought
Hmm... But anyway, you get the point
You screwed the pooch! Epic Fail!
I hate to say I'm happy to say
I told you so
But it makes me so happy
I told you so!
I told you so!
I told you so!
You f*cked it up
You really f*cked it up

[JEFF]
You went tits-up

[MICHAEL]
I went tits-up

[JEFF]
Mistakes were made

[MICHAEL]
Mistakes were made

[JEFF]
You bit the dirt
[MICHAEL]
I bit the dirt

[JEFF]
Insane in the membrane

[MICHAEL]
Good song

[JEFF]
A major malfunction

[MICHAEL]
I really blew it

[JEFF]
The captain of the Hindenburg

[MICHAEL]
Oh the humanity

[JEFF]
You messed it up

[MICHAEL]
I did
[JEFF & MICHAEL]
The wheels came off your bumper car (The wheels came off my bumper car)

You fell on your face (Complete disaster)
You’re dead in the water
You f*cked it up (Everything looks pretty bad)
You – ball change
You f*cked it up
You’re dead in the water
You f*cked it up ([phone rings])
And fan kick!
And buffalo! Buffalo! Gotta shuffle off to Buffalo! (Jeff! Jeff!)

[MICHAEL, spoken]
Jeff! Shh!

[DOROTHY, spoken]
Hello? Hi!
Oh! Oh yes, great!
Thank you!

[MICHAEL, spoken]
Jeff! The cast are going over to hear Julie sing and they invited Dorothy. Now Julie has been avoiding me since I kissed her. But she also confides in Dorothy what she wants from a guy. Right? So if I can meet Julie as Michael, I can use those things to get her to fall for me. And then fix things between her and Dorothy

[JEFF, sung]
Good luck to you!
God bless you Mike
I really, really wish you the best
I'll tell you what, I'm coming along
For moral support
Because I'm a friend
But mostly because I'm curious
To see exactly how you'll f*ck it up