Tech Founder lyrics

[Chorus]
I-I-I just hired myself because I can't make payroll
I said, "mom, I am the next Jeff Bezos"
One million ARR is not no fake hope
And investors are like, "how's this realistic?" because I say so
I was an entrepreneur the second that I turned eight
You can't get success if you don't want it in the first place
My competition doesn't know business, they know wordplay
They got STD's, that's how they know about the burn rate

[Verse 1]
Tryna sell my sass, I might have to sell my ass
Lost my money bootstrappin' now I'm in the lower class
I put vodka in the tank, I couldn't afford the gas
b*tch, call me Amazon Prime the way I'm shippin' fast
Ain't no CTO Chat-GPT made this tech
2-clicks from Google ads now I'm fully erect
You think having ops in the street is a flex?
Bro my number 1 op is App Store Connect
Look at my teeth, no Johnny it's just Dang
I immediately turned her off with my tech-founder slang
No coffee; I got three Zinny's in four banks
Working all day, I'm sorry, I can't hang
Self-employed, doing sh*tty work, I'm gonna fire me
Netflix on all of my breaks, actually piracy
I just sold a company for cash I was in dire need
I had to pay the VC firms to acquire me
[Chorus]
I just hired myself because I can't make payroll
I said, "mom, I am the next Jeff Bezos"
One million ARR is not no fake hope
And investors are like, "how's this realistic?" because I say so
I was an entrepreneur the second that I turned eight
You can't get success if you don't want it in the first place
My competition doesn't know business, they know wordplay
They got STD's, that's how they know about the burn rate

[Verse 2]
I got no furniture, why the want me to make a cat table
Beat up my co-founder, 'cuz he friggin' ate the last bagel
We got twenty dollars from funding, we're on the tenth round
I ran out of melatonin, I'm usin' fent now
Considering a sex change to say that got female employees, I'm not sexist
Cut me some slack, speaking of slack, did you get the message?
I'm not broke, all my cash is just invested
I don't wanna work, so imma manifest in EXIF
Yeah, 'cuz I'm a tech founder
I tried to put coins in a paper money counter
A little meat on my bones, I'm like a Quarter Pounder
I'm the type to pull up to the club just to molest the bouncer
Bring it back, I know I kinda went off the topic
Imma move my business to a tax haven in the tropics
If you're complaining about being broke, that's just not in
Imma scratch my balls through the hole that's in my pockets