Louis C.K. lyrics

[Verse 1]
Something been changing inside me, now sex isn't fun
But I found a new way I could c*m
I just wanna j*rk off in front of someone, yeah
So now I been plotting and scheming
And I'm out on the prowl
And I got my lotion and towel
And I wanna do this sh*t now, yeah
So I found a pretty little lady
And asked the girl, "How was your day?"
But I just didn't care anyway
I couldn't even remember her name, yeah
And I looked around for a second and made sure nobody could hear
And that's when I pulled her right near
And I whispered right into her ear

[Chorus]
Can I please get consent?
Cause I wanna j*rk on my di*k
And I wanna do that sh*t nice and hard
And you're gonna stand there and watch
Can I please get consent?
Cause I wanna j*rk on my di*k
And I wanna do that sh*t nice and hard
And you're gonna stand there and watch
Can I please get consent?
[Verse 2]
Things ain't been getting no better
I just don't think you understand
I been traveling across the land
For girls to watch me put my di*k in my hand, yeah
Girl I don't even want f*ck ya
I just wanna stroke on my pole
I don't want nothing to do with your hole
I just wanna j*rk off and stare through your soul, yeah
And now when I go to the club, and I do my stand up routine
And I see all the girls that I see
I just wanna j*rk off and spray all my cream, yeah
And as I stood up on the stage
And I look through the laughter and smoke
Well I went to go tell a good joke
But these are the words that I spoke

[Chorus]
Can I please get consent?
Cause I wanna j*rk on my di*k
And I wanna do that sh*t nice and hard
And you're gonna stand there and watch
Can I please get consent?
Cause I wanna j*rk on my di*k
And I wanna do that sh*t nice and hard
And you're gonna stand there and watch
Can I please get consent?
[Verse 3]
As I looked out at the crowd
They were baffled and covered in c*m
Every woman and man, every one
Well I just couldn't help but feel dumb, yeah
So I put the mic in the stand
And I turned and I walked off the stage
Past a man who had c*m on his face
And I thought, "Well, does that make me gay?" I dunno
Then I sat down at the bar
And I looked at the man on my right
He was handsome and darker than night
He was funny as sh*t and polite, yeah
Then the man gave me a pudding
And said it would put me at ease
And I watched and remembered the words that he spoke right before I passed out on my knees

[Chorus]
I do not need consent
You're gonna suck on my di*k
You're gonna do that sh*t nice and long
And then you're gon' fall fast asleep
I do not need consent
You're gonna suck on my di*k
You're gonna do that sh*t nice and long
And then you're gon' fall fast asleep
And then you're gon' fall fast asleep