Dumber lyrics

[Verse 1]
Just the other day
I was pumpin gasoline
When I was ready to go
I ripped the whole damn hose
Outta that pump machine

Later when the cop pulled me over
Halfway across the state
We asked why I was speeding
Where I needed to be
I said "Nowhere, and I'm running late"

[Chorus 1]
I hope this feeling lasts all winter
I hope it lasts on into the summer
It can rain and it can storm, babe
It can lightning and it can thunder
I ain't ever felt better
And I ain't ever been dumber

[Verse 2]
Latеr, I was feeling hungry
So I went down to the nail salon
They gotta littlе chubby statue that's always got fruit
I took an apple and I was gone
Them ladies are always so upset
It must be hard workin' on toes
I keep mine clean and the webs in between
Help me float down the river, ya know

[Chorus 2]
Some days, life's a big ole toilet
And I'm just a real good plumber
It may be hot as the di*kens outside
But I'm cooler than a big cuc*mber
I ain't ever felt better
And I ain't ever been dumber

[Harmonica solo]

[Verse 3]
Later, I was feeling lonely
But I didn't really wanna talk
So I went down to the morgue and laid down on a board
'Cause nobody wanted to walk

And in the morning I went to church
And they handed me a plate of cash
I took a buck or two, they kicked me outta the pew
Hell, even Jesus wants to kick my ass
[Chorus 3]
If indeed its a dream I'm in
Don't wake me from my slumber
And if ya ever wanna feel a little better
Feel like life is 'a less of a bummer
It's in your best interest
I suggest you get dumber

Mmm-mm-mmm...