Vagina Fart lyrics

Thank you. The vagina fart has been around a long time, girls. No problem. It's fun. The vagina fart, girls, I gotta say still gets you every time. Everybody. Every fellow here enjoys them so much. Just keep them coming, girls. It just provides entertainment in the bedroom. Guys do not say nothing about it. Guys will f*cking ignore it every time. Just because, you know, if you comment on it, it's f*cking over. You're getting up and leaving and that's it. So you're like, "Okay, whatever the f*ck that was, let's keep... Let's keep going forward." I have been face-to-face with the vagina fart. I've been tagged pretty hard by my wife right there. I don't say sh*t. You know, I might go like, "Uh." I might give her one of those. Hey, now. But I always get right back in there and finish off when I started. You know, if my wife hits me with like four or five of them in a row, I might say, "Alright, I think you've got to do some f*cking jumping jacks or some sh*t. You know, get a Q-Tip, f*cking pop that... You got... Something's wrong. Something's going on with you. But when you come back, I'll f*cking finish you good. I promise you." If it was reversed... let me just say... the girls would not be as sweet to us. If there was a di*k fart, if there was such a... There's no di*k fart, but if there was a di*k fart... And it would be nothing. It's such a little hole. The sound would be nothing. Your vaginas literally are like acoustically f*cking made to blast out a boomer. And... And we're just like, "Alright, let's play it off like it didn't happen." With a di*k fart, you'd be like... At the most, it would sound like... And you'd be like, "Woah, what the f*ck is that?" "I'm nervous. I don't know. You don't think that's cute? It sounds like a little Disney character. Cinderelly." "I'm leaving!" We'd have to play it off like it didn't happen. Like, "No, I think the tea's ready."
My wife, one time, hit me in the face with a combo platter. She hit me with the vagina to the mouth... Up high. At the very same time, hit me in the neck with the other... the, uh... She came up high and down low at the very same time. I f*cking don't know what happened. One time in twenty years. Just f*cking bam, in the face, one in the neck. f*cking hit me hard, it was like the perfect storm. We don't know what she was eating that day, but whatever the f*ck it was, she got me good. I've got to say, it literally felt like somebody opened the door on a f*cking airplane. It was like, "Woah" There was debris in the air and f*cking... Other passengers were floating through my f*cking room. Oxygen masks dropped down. You know, I was... But I f*cking took it like... I did wish someone else saw it. That was f*cking incredible. And then I hear the ghost go, "I saw that sh*t. Oh, my God. It f*cking blew the ruler out of my hand."