The Buffoon and the Dean of Admissions lyrics

"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college."
"Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations
on your upcoming graduation and I understand
you are interested in matriculating here in the fall."
"I got a snake, man!"
"Yes, pets are welcome here on campus.
Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile."
"One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way and that!
It was all f*cked up!"
"I'm sure it was.
Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students
and pets here on campus."
"f*ckin' sh*t!"
"Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy.
So tell me a little bit more about your background."
"My father's a f*cking as*h*le, man!"
"Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son."
"My mother's a piece of sh*t too!"
"Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility
over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed
and ready to learn."
"My teacher in high school was a stupid b*tch, man!
She had her head way up her ass!"
"Well the quality of the faculty at a University
such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school."
"Your secretary's a real fat b*tch, man!"
"Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success."
"I had diarhea last month. I had to sh*t all f*cking day!"
"Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug,
never a pleasurable experience.
So have you given any thought to your choice of major?"
"I've got a big f*cking boner right now."
"I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods
of nervous tension. I do not take offense."
"One time I ate my neighbors sh*t!"
"That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you.
We'll be sending you our decision by the end of the month."
"I bet you got really hairy balls."
"Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye."