losing myself lyrics

[Intro]
Damage from things that I've seen, trauma's the reason I'm selfless
I remember a man always beatin' on my mama, I remember how I seen it, helpless
Me and my sister trapped in a room, and nobody there tryna help us
If I see that man, 'til this day, he better pray to God He'll help him

[Verse]
I got so much on my mind, but talkin' ain't fixin' the hurt that I'm feelin'
Abandonment issues, chase if you leave, but that's just a verse of my healin'
I don't see a point in me talkin', my thoughts, they smile, I can see 'em
I vent to the mic', all my demons will kill me if I don't reveal 'em, I gotta reveal 'em
People talk, but they don't think about how I been doin'
They see when I push them away, they don't think about reasons I do it
They judge me at times that I lose it, say that they love me, it's confusing
People leave, and nobody stays, but by now, I should be used to it, but
I live for peace in my life, but my past is a path of destruction
Set up to fail as a child, born in a family of addicts and druggies
Addiction so deep in my genes, I run you away if you love me
'Cause I gave my love to a person, and I thought they was the death of me, damn
I carry burdens that keep me from movin' on in this life
I walk a lonely road, no directions, I'm just hopin' it's right
They shake my hand when they smile, in the same hand is a knife
I never trust people at all anymore, do you know what it's like?
Not having Christmas, you with your sister, y'all spendin' birthdays alone
I spent my time with my sister in foster, that never felt like a home
Y'all in a house full of strangers, y'all got each other to hold
But you're only there for a check, every night, I was cryin' to go home, I was tryna go home
'Cause I need my mother and father
All of my life, I just wander, did you think of your son or your daughter?
'Cause the older I get, I just ponder, why didn't anyone want me?
The closer I get to finding the answers, I feel my heart growing darker
I wish I could fix all my feelings, I wish I could quiet the voices
I wish I could wake up and want to live life, not everyday feeling pointless
I wish I was happy for once, and not overthink all my choices
Maybe one day I could face all my problems, but for now, I avoid it, f*ck