“If You Ask Me to Write a Love Song...” lyrics

[STEPHEN SONDHEIM, spoken]
If you ask me to write a love song, I don't know what to write. But if you say, write me a torch song about a girl who's just been jilted by a guy and she comes into a bar and she's in a red dress and she orders a grasshopper, that I can write. Because you've started to characterize and give me specifics to write about. There's a drink to write about. There's a bar to write about. There's a dress to write about. Who is the guy who jilted her? Why did she choose that dress?