How to be single on Valentine’s Day lyrics

[Verse 1]
Get wasted in the basement
Disappoint yourself in bed
Rob a bank, have a sad wank
Can't be single if you're dead
Create another Horcrux, give another whore bucks
Curl up in a ball and cry
Gasoline, zucchini, vaseline
Die, die, valen-die
Ranting on Twitter about how love isn't real
Taking a shot whenever I feel
Go on with my life, like any other day?
I'm not single, I have anime

[Chorus]
Valentine's Day has reared its ugly head
Well it ain't that fun if you ain't got someone
To cuddle all day in your bed
Valentine's Day means I need alcohol
At least you don't need money to spend on your honey
If you don't have a honey at all

[Verse 2]
Gently weeping on the nearest shoulder
Alone in the bathtub with my toaster
I stay in bed all day pretending that I'm sick
Enjoying what I have and destroying my di*k
In the club, at the treehouse (no girls allowed)
Poking holes in your friend's condoms (wow)
Stalking exes, playing for honor
Spending the evening with Rosie Palmer
[Bridge]
Beating my meat, beating my meat, beat the meat
Eat, sleep, beat meat, repeat
Beat meat beat meat beat meat beat meat
Nickelodeon!

[Chorus]
Valentine's Day has reared its ugly head
Well it ain't that fun if you ain't got someone
To cuddle all day in your bed
Valentine's Day means I need alcohol
At least you don't need money to spend on your honey
If you don't have a honey at all