I Play With Myself lyrics

[Hook]
I play with myself
Everywhere I go I just
Play with myself
Anytime, anywhere
I play with myself
Every single day I just
Play with myself

[Verse 1: Brains]
Someone stop me (Stop!)
They say it's bad for your eyes, I'm half blind
Play with myself, my favourite past-time
Women that are fine mostly ignore me
Porn bores me, but it helps getting rid of morning glory
I'm lonely, and this is no exaggeration
I was caught dancing naked in my mom and dads basement
Watching adult entertainment, using my imagination
Polishing the bishop, til' my hand was breaking
I think of sex every four seconds
So in one minute I've had 15 erections
4, 3, 2, woops there's another one
I'm on heat so you better tell your mother "Run"
Do I get sex loads? Heck no but check yo
I don't get upset though, I just think my crotch will explode
Hey presto, I'm always erect
So even when I get old, I'll have a woody like Jepetto
[Chorus]
I play with myself
All the time I can't help it
I play with myself
All the time I just
Play with myself
Even in public
I play with myself
Uh, uh, uh
I play with myself
Everywhere I go I just
Play with myself
Anytime, anywhere
I play with myself
Every single day I just
Play with myself

[Verse 2: Silibil]
It all started one time my mom walked in
Caught me watching porn films
"Are you flogging the dolphin?"
Oops, now I got problems with the one-eyed man
At 16, I had arthritis in my right hand
Sometimes it feels best just to relieve stress
Cause every time I see breasts, it looks like I got three legs
These men are rejects, who desperately need sex
And every time I wake up, my trouser tent is erect
I play from the morning til' the night ends
But always got time for a date with Pam and five friends
"Get a real girl!"
Hey yo I'm hoping and wishing
Now I don't go to KFC cause I keep choking on the chicken
I play with myself so much, my hand is funky
Got fired from the zoo for spanking the monkey
I feel like every girl just wants to test men
Forget dogs, a hand is a mans best friend
[Chorus]
I play with myself
All the time I can't help it
I play with myself
All the time I just
Play with myself
Even in public
I play with myself
Uh, uh, uh
I play with myself
Everywhere I go I just
Play with myself
Anytime, anywhere
I play with myself
Every single day I just
Play with myself

[Bridge]
I do it when I wake up (When I wake up)
Alone in my bed (Alone in my bed)
I do it in the bathroom (In the bathroom)
Until my hand is red (Until my hand is red)
And when I'm on my own (On my own)
I put my hand in my shorts (In my shorts)
And play with myself (Play with myself)
Like it's my favourite sport
[Verse 3: Brains & Silibil]
Catch me on stage, touching myself like Madonna
And letting my snake out of the cage
"Look it's an anaconda!"
Man I never get the girl like James Bond does
So I dream of milfs with bodies like Jane Fonda's
I'm fond of giving little Richard a beating
Play with myself so much, my girlfriend thinks I'm cheating
I even get turned on watching women boxing
So sue me if it's wrong to knock my Johnnie Cochran

[Chorus]
I play with myself
All the time I can't help it
I play with myself
All the time I just
Play with myself
Even in public
I play with myself
Uh, uh, uh
I play with myself
Everywhere I go I just
Play with myself
Anytime, anywhere
I play with myself
Every single day I just
Play with myself

[Outro]
I play with myself
I play with myself