Terms and Conditions lyrics

[Verse 1]
These are the terms and conditions for living in the UK
First, abandon kindness, it's a fool's game
Oh, it's a shame you went to state school in the first place
That'll keep you two steps down in the rat race
You need to learn to hate America, Russia, climate change
China, rich c*nts and poor c*nts, the weather and the tax rates
All the f*ckers telling you to isolate
Labour and the Liberals and the Greens and the Tory state
Feminism, snowflakes, the EDL
Hate everyone and еverything 'til you can't even stand yoursеlf
Hate the fact you need money, hate all those who want money
Hate the f*cking game and the taste for wealth
And find love in beer and drugs and crime
The glory days before the others all arrived
Seek pride in your nation's contribution in the war
Watch films about soldiers, cry at what they died for
A f*ck ton of corruption in the Houses and the courts
Great British arse that soars
Right before it sh*ts all over its own people in hoards
In education, policy, tooth and claw
And then somewhere between the crackheads and the Lords
The people who believe 'em and the police force
Is a most glorious nation of pride and patience
No, I'm only joking, of course
[Interlude]
We don't smile too much around here, love
Wipe it off your face
Our terms and conditions consist of hate

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 2]
Part two of the UK's terms and conditions
For all but the wealthy and the first-class citizens
To anyone poor or born outside of Britain
You must follow the following conditions, yes?
Okay, so what you're saying is the rules don't apply
To anyone with a winning lottery ticket as a bloodline?
No, the fact is, in practice, the rules do apply
With the exceptions of taxes and COVID guidelines
Amongst other things, you know: murder, lies
With money there's no such thing as a crime
Okay, so what you're saying is your conditions is money making?
No, not money making; money taking—Money taking? Yes
Money taking, after that, money saving
Placing said money in savings
So greed!—Not greed! Aspirations, see?
Aspirations for those with a first-class degree
Why of course, and a delectable family tree
Your conditions favour the aristocracy
It's the equivalent of sitting in a stadium seat
Stand up for a better view, the guy behind can't see
Basically, your T's and C's mean liberty
But freedom doesn't recognise poverty
Oh, sh*t
[Interlude]
So smile, smile, smile
As you have much to be thankful for
These terms and conditions were never truly yours

[Verse 3]
For the taking
Did you have me mistaken when you came to this country halfway?
With the silly little dreams of a child half-baked
And the mind of an animal scrounging for bait
Did you forget about me? It seems you did
I'm the f*cking man, I decide who lives and dies
You are nothing but the blood between my eyes
And I'd agree with each part of me
That you are doomed for all of time
To revoke my spell, sans protest
Please, step in line