Boat Train lyrics

[Verse 1]
I met with Napper Tandy and I shook him by the hand
He said, "Hold me up, for Chrissake, for I can hardly stand"
The most disgraceful journey on which I've ever been
The last time that I traveled on the boat train

[Verse 2]
I had a couple of drinks in town, a few more in the port
Puked up on the gangway but some kind folks helped me board
Sat me at a table, poured whiskey down my throat
Sat me at a table and I lost my watch and coat

[Chorus 1]
First we drank some whiskey, then we had some gin
Then we had tequila, I think that's what did me in
Then we had some brandy and the women had a dance
The steward then announced that we could play the game of chance

[Verse 3]
We crowded 'round the table with our money in our hands
I landed on the other side without a penny in my pants
Woke up in the toilet when we got to Holyhead
The doors were all a-banging and I wished that I was dead

[Chorus 2]
Then we went through customs, a couple of credited thugs
First they looked for bombs and guns, then they looked for drugs
Stuck a flashlight up my ass, told some Irish jokes
Said, "f*ck off now, Paddy" so I headed for the smoke
On the boat train
[Verse 4]
We got on board the train and then we had a drink or two
Started playing poker but the booze ran out at crew
Some people started sleeping, others looked for duty free
Some bast*rd started singing "Little Cottage by the Lee"

[Chorus 3]
He then sang "Paper Roses," "Boolavogue," "Eileen Aru"
Somebody started slagging off the Pakis and the Jews
Found a bottle of whiskey, found a bottle of gin
I sat down in the corner and I read the daily news

[Chorus 4]
First I drank the whiskey, then I drank the gin
Tried to make the toilet but I broke my f*cking shin
Next thing that I knew, I was in London in the rain
Staggering up the platform on the boat train