The Whole “Being Dead” Thing final Broadway performance lyrics

[BEETLEJUICE]
Hey, folks! Ain't it pretty?
One last time in New York City
Since your lives been super sh*tty let's start on
Y'know, "the whole being dead" thing
You're doomed, enjoy the singing
The sword of Damocles is swinging
And if I hear your cell-phone ringing
I'll kill you myself
The whole "being dead" thing

[BEETLEJUICE]
Death can get a person stressed
"We should have carpe'd way more diems
Now we're never gonna see 'em"
I can show you what comes next
So don't be freaked
Stay in your seats
I do this bullsh*t, like, eight times a week
So just relax, you'll be fine
Drink your fifty-dollar wine
And take a breath

[ENSEMBLE]
Welcome to a show about death
[BEETLEJUICE]
You're
You're gonna be fine
On the other side
Die! You're all gonna die!
You're all gonna die!
I'll, I'll be your guide
To the other side

[ENSEMBLE]
Though in full disclosure
It's a show about death

[BEETLEJUICE]
Everybody gets on fine here
Like Rodgers, Hart, and Hammerstein here
The women's bathroom has no line here just
Pee where you want, the whole "being dead" thing
You're just gonna love the folks here
Yeah, I know you're woke, but you can take a joke here
And every show I do, like, a ton of coke here
The whole, the whole "being" dead thing! (Dies Irae)
Nobody is bullet-proof
"I work out, I eat clean!"
Jesus, pass the Dramamine(Dies Ira)
Time to face the brutal truth (Ah, ah, ah-ah)
'Cause we're all on a hit list
Might not live 'till Christmas
Choke to death on Triscuits (Ah, ah, ah-ah)
Hey, that just statistics
So take a little break here
Kinda like a wake here
The scenery is fake here
But there's a giant snake here
[ENSEMBLE]
Welcome to a show about death!

[BEETLEJUICE]
You're, hey!
You're gonna be fine
Thank you pal, alright!
On the other side
How you doin'?

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE]
*sobbing*

[BEETLEJUICE]
Alright, not good! Ba-de-ba-bop-bop
I'll, hey Gangnam Style I'll be your guide, no
To the other side
Seriously, though, this is a show about death!

[ENSEMBLE]
Death is taboo, but it's hardly something new
There's nothing medical professionals can do
'Cept maybe just bill you

[BEETLEJUICE]
If you die during this evenings performance
The show will not stop
[MALE ENSEMBLE]
There's no destiny or fate

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE]
Just a terrifying wait

[MALE ENSEMBLE]
Filled with people that you hate

[ENSEMBLE]
And on a certain date, the universe kills you!

[BEETLEJUICE]
That's the thing with life
No one makes it out alive (Ah, ah, ah-ah-ah)
Toss that body in the pit
"Gosh, it's awful, ain't it tragic?"
Blah, blah, "Bible Jesus" magic (Ah, ah, ah-ah-ah)
When you're dead, who gives a sh*t?
"No pilates, no more yoga"
"Namaste", you freakin' posers (Dies Irae)
From the cradle to cremation (Oh so Irae)
Death just needs a little conversation
I have mastered the art (Dies Irae)
Of tearing convention apart (Dies Irae)
So, how about we all make a start (Dies Irae ah-ah ah)
On the whole "being dead" thing
(oh-oh oh-oh oh)

[ALL]
God, I hope you're ready for a show about death!