The Beer lyrics

The beer I had for breakfast was a bottle of Mad Dog
And my 20/20 vision was fifty percent off
He said, "Punch buggy red" and punched me right in my left eye
I said "Don't you mean padiddle?" and I lit his house on fire
He came home on acid, I was holding his shotgun
I was dressed like Tina Turner in Beyond Thunderdome
He said, "Don't shoot!" I said, "I won't, I love you, you're my friend"
I handed him my wig and shot myself in the head
Then I stuffed a box of tissues in the hole in my skull
I got in my Mazda and I drove to the mall
I bought a Big Johnson shirt and some silicone tits
When I pulled out the tissues they were covered with sh*t

And the beer I had for breakfast was a box of cheap white wine
And the boombox on my shoulder was a box of clementines
I ate every single one without noticing the mold
You said, "You're gross, my darling," I said, "No, I'm rock 'n' roll"
Even though I'd never ever been in a band
I got "Kool As Black Ice" tattooed on my hand
And the Christians gave me comic books, as if I would be scared
Of burning in Hell while I was already there

And the beer I had for breakfast, Silver Bullet in the brain
And the beer I had for lunch was a bottle of Night Train
And the beer I had for dinner was my crazy neighbor's pills
We had to sit down on skateboards just to make it down the hill
Then I peed my pants and you stole the groom's cigar
And some old man made me watch him masturbate locked in his car
When I got back to the apartment, you were face-down on the floor
You said "Don't go to bed yet, let's go get a sixty-four"
And the beer I had for breakfast was a pint of Jim Beam
And a fifth of peach Schnapps and some warm Sunny D
And you said, "Bottoms up!" just as I bottomed out
And I tried to scream "f*ck you!" but blood was pouring out my mouth
And Evan Dando never planned on telling you the truth
And your Leonardo I.D. card is your fountain of youth
You can be a teenager for your whole f*cking life
Just find some pretty sucker and make that b*tch your wife

And I guess by now you all know my friend Danny broke his neck
He was driving home from Sirens and he got into a wreck
First I cried for him and then I cried for me
Haunted by the ghost of the girl I used to be
But the rocks with holes are warm in my hands
And I bury my toes in the hot, hot sand
And the silver-pink pony kisses me and
Says, "You've come a long, long way and you deserve to be really happy"