I Have Written a Play lyrics

[CONDUCTOR]
I have written a play, Mr. Jaffee

[JAFFEE]
[spoken] What?!

[CONDUCTOR]
An average conductor's day, Mr. Jaffee
It's all about life on a train
I call it... "Life On A Train"!
I wrote it down just as it happened
Oh, the things I've seen
Oh, the things I've seen
If you put that on the stage I guarantee--
Take it from me
It would be
A big success
Oh yes!
A big success!