[Verse 1]
Every time I clean my room, I make another mess
Every time I miss the bus, I'm late for a test
Every time I'm reincarnated, it's in the lowest form
I leave my window open every time there is a storm
Every time I have a hangover, I have to go to work
Every time I masturbate dry, it tends to hurt
Every time I pat a dog, it bites me on the hand
Every time I talk to aliens, they don't understand
Every time I skate, I get another bruise
Every time I get drunk, I vomit on my shoes
Every time I scratch, the needle jumps
Every time I drink milk, it comes out in lumps
Every time I freestyle, I just talk sh*t
Every time I catch the bus, there is no where to sit
Every time I catch a train, I'm hassled for ticket
Every time I bat in cricket, first ball takes a wicket
Every time I'm drunk at a party in a toga
I pull a damn hamstring to prove I do yoga
Every time I eat, I get a pain in my chest
Every time I thinks it's heartburn, it's cardiac arrest
Every time I make a call, call waiting interrupts
Every time I dump a load at someone's house, it won't flush
Every time it won't flush, it stains the ceramic
If you ever see me happy, it's because I'm manic
[Verse 2]
Every time I give advice, it comes out wrong
Every time I get raided, my prints are on the bong
Every time I score, I get sh*tty leaf
I was living with a Navajo until they heard me diss the chief
Every time we smoke a joint, I end up with the roach
Every time we skip sport, I get drilled by the coach
But every time I play footy, I get tackled in the dirt
And I crack another rib and it really f*ckin' hurts
Every time I brush my teeth, I find another cavity
Every time I try to fly, I discover gravity
Every time I have a craving, I run out of food
Every time we spin the bottle, I'm the one who ends up nude
Every time I give a girl an orgasm, she fakes
Every time I jam it in, the condom breaks
Every time I gamble, I lose all my chips
And every time I eat All Bran I get the sh*ts
But every time I sh*t, it takes about an hour
And there's never any paper so I have to have a shower
But every time I shower, the towel's already wet
And it's not wet with water but wet with c*m and sweat
Every time I pluck my pubic hairs to make myself attractive
My di*k gets sore and I f*ck like a spastic
Every time I write a song, radio stations ban it
'Cause when you play my records in reverse, they're satanic
[Interlude]
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
[Verse 3]
Every time I make a joke, people take me serious
Every time I go down on a girl, she's on her period
Every time I drive a car, a cop will pull me over
But I'll say I'm someone else...and that I'm sober
Every blind date turns out to be blind
My looks are all I have and that is why I mind
Every time I have the dream where I'm at the school dance
Everyone is lookin' at me 'cause I don't have any pants
When we play piggy in the middle, I'm the pig
Every time we play tiggy, I'm the one who's it
Every time I lick toad, I get warts on my tongue
Every time I see a killer bee, It's me that's getting stung
Every time I play scrabble, I make the word 'at'
Every wet fart leaves a stain where I sat
Every time I f*ck your mum, she wants it in the bum
And every time I'm done, it's not because I've come
Every time I crack onto a chick and pull my stack out
Every time I try to suck my di*k, I put my back out
Every time I catch a wave, I hit a coral reef
And every time I order vegetarian, I get beef
[Outro]
I get beef
Chicken's not a vegetable
I get beef
Chicken's not a vegetable