There Is Life Outside Your Apartment lyrics

[Brian:]
Princeton!

[Princeton:]
Yeah

[Brian:]
Listen, buddy, nobody's seen ya for two weeks
What's up with that?

[Princeton:]
I went to work for a temp agency, and they
Fired me for being too depressing on the phone
I maxed out my cards, I'm two months behind
In rent, I totally messed up my personal life
Oh, and Brian—I still haven't found my purpose!

[Brian:]
All right. Get off your ass and stop worrying!
Everyone's getting together to mess around the city today

[Princeton:]
Have fun!

[Brian:]
When I say everyone, that includes you!
There is life outside your apartment
I know it's hard to conceive
But there's life outside your apartment
And you're only gonna see it if you leave
There is cool sh*t to do
But it can't come to you
And who knows, dude
You might even score!
There is life outside your apartment
But you've got to open the door!
[Princeton:]
No, thanks, I'm staying in!

[Brian:]
Don't tell me I gotta force you

[Princeton:]
Sorry!

[Brian:]
All right, everyone! He's resisting!

[Christmas Eve, Trekkie Monster, Gary and Nicky pick Princeton up and drag him outside]

[All but Princeton:]
There is life outside
There is life outside
There is life outside
There is life outside your apartment!
There's a pigeon
Squashed on the street

[Christmas Eve:]
Ew

[Brian:]
There's a girl passing by
[Nicky:]
No I think it's a guy

[All but Princeton:]
And a homeless man
Who only wants to
Buy something to eat!
Sorry, can't help you

[They enter the subway]

We could go to the zoo!

[Trekkie Monster:]
Pick up girls at NYU!

[Brian:]
We could sit in the park smoking pot!

[Christmas Eve:]
Or not

[All but Princeton:]
There is life outside your apartment

[Princeton:]
Well, I guess I'll give it a shot
[Sound of gunshot. Everyone screams and runs.]

[All:]
There is life outside your apartment
I know—

[Sound of loud jackhammer. They cover their ears and swear.]

There is life outside your apartment

[They look up in horror.]

[Voice #1:]
I'm gonna jump!

[All:]
Don't do it!

[Voice #1:]
Okay

[All:]
There is cool sh*t to do
But it can't come to you
So come on—

[Car screeches to a halt.]

[Voice #2:]
Get out of the way as*h*le!

[Princeton:]
f*ck you!

[All:]
There is life outside your apartment
Oh, you never know
What's around the bend
You could win the lotto
Or make a friend

[Lucy enters. The guys eye her and turn to Princeton.]

[Guys:]
Take her home to see your apartment!

[Lucy:]
Do you wanna feel special?
I can see that you do
Well, I can make you feel
Special
If you let me feel you

[Guys:]
She'll feel you!

[Lucy:]
Where's your pad?

[Princeton:]
Not too far

[Guys:]
We could call you a car

[Princeton:]
We'll be fine, thank you! See ya!

[Christmas Eve:]
Hope you don't get gonorrhea!

[All:]
There is life outside your apartment

[Princeton/Lucy:]
But now it's time to go home

[All:]
There is life outside your apartment

[Trekkie Monster:]
Me going home now

[Princeton/Lucy:]
It's time to go home!

[Trekkie Monster:]
That's where me gonna go!

[Lucy:]
I can make you feel special

[Trekkie Monster:]
That's where me gonna go!

[All:]
There is life outside your apartment

[Trekkie Monster:]
Me going home now
That's where me gonna go!

[Princeton/Lucy:]
But now it's time to go home

[Trekkie Monster:]
For porn!