Having A Wank In Happyland lyrics

In Mothercare, they've got a brand
Of children's toys called Happyland
There's a happy town and a happy farm
Even the Happyland emo doesn't self harm

I often wish that I could go there
And do what makes me happy without a care
So I shut my eyes, and put my knob in my hand
Now I'm having a wank in Happyland!

I'm having a wank in Happyland
And no-one gives a damn
If only the real world could be like this
I'd be such a happy man
I'm wanking in the garage
I'm wanking in the baker's queue
I'm wanking in the post office
And all around the zoo

On the double-decker bus
The people turn to me and smile
To see that I've removed my c*ck
And I'm rolling 'round wanking in the aisle

The bus it travels all 'round town
As Happyland just passes by
I'm wanking into a cigarette packet
And no-one even bats an eye
I'm having a wank in Happyland
And no-one gives a damn
If only the real world could be like this
I'd be such a happy man
I seagull the mechanic
And he doesn't give chase
So I stroll down to the Old Bill station
And wank my c*ck in a policeman's face

Oh look, here comes the vicar now
There's a wedding at the church
I'm doing what Pete Townshend did
As he completed his research

I nearly climax on the bride
And the groom just smiles and waves
So I go round behind the church
And start furiously wanking on the Happyland graves

I'm having a wank in Happyland
And no-one gives a damn
If only the real world could be like this
I'd be such a happy man
But sadly real life's not like that
As I've previously suggested
I barely got my c*ck out in Basildon town
And promptly got arrested...