f*cksticks [2020 version] lyrics

[Verse 1]
Now, my old Grandad had a word
He used when things went wrong
To introduce this word to you
I put it in a song
So every time this word gets used
His memory lives on
I'm about to tell you what it is
So you can sing along

[Chorus]
"f*cksticks!"
When Nan wouldn't let him touch her furry pie
"f*cksticks!"
When he got some shrapnel lodged in his Jap's eye
"f*cksticks!"
When a German sniper shot him in the c*ck
"f*cksticks!"
When he found a lump on his left bollock
"f*cksticks!"
When me Nan died and she left him all alone
"f*cksticks!"
When he let a bogus caller in his home
"f*cksticks!"
When the first black people moved into his street
"f*cksticks!"
When arthritis meant he couldn't beat his meat
f*cksticks!
Mother's c*nt
f*cksticks!

[Verse 2]
So, every time I hear the word
I start to reminisce
I suddenly taste Werther's
And get a faint whiff of p*ss
So, when someone annoys me
Or things get on my pip
I think of the moany, racist old c*nt
And really let it rip...

[Chorus]
"f*cksticks!"
When I miss an open goal in 5-a-side
"f*cksticks!"
When I lost my hardons, after Nan had died
"f*cksticks!"
When the teacher's told me that I was no good
"f*cksticks!"
When the old bill caught me wanking in the wood
"f*cksticks!"
When that girl you like turns out to be a nutter
"f*cksticks!"
When your punk hero advertises butter
"f*cksticks!"
When Michael Eavis didn't want to hire us
"f*cksticks!"
When a gloryhole gives you coronavirus
[Bridge]
f*cksticks!
Mother's c*nt!
Mother's c*nt!
Mother's c*nt!

f*cksticks!
Mother's c*nt!
Mother's c*nt!
Mother's c*nt!

f*cksticks!
Mother's c*nt!
Mother's c*nt!
Mother's c*nt!

f*cksticks!
Mother's c*nt!
Mother's c*nt!
f*cksticks!

[Chorus]
"f*cksticks!"
When Persimmon Homes destroyed my garden fence
"f*cksticks!"
And failed to offer any recompense
"f*cksticks!"
When Great Britain is in lockdown or worse
"f*cksticks!"
When your mother shares a post from Britain First
"f*cksticks!"
When you think the country's heading somewhere sinister
"f*cksticks!"
When somehow Boris Johnson is Prime Minister
"f*cksticks!"
When you feel awkward and you don't know what to say
If you say "f*cksticks! f*cksticks! f*cksticks!"
It makes everything OK
[Outro]
f*cksticks!
Mother's c*nt!
Mother's c*nt!
f*cksticks!