Jamie’s Petting Zoo (LIVE) lyrics

I've had my pet
Since i was nine years old
I loved him and fed him
But one day he attacked
I knew he didn't love me back
So i grabbed him like a football
And punted fifty yards
Now i hate pets
Take yourself to the vet
Now i hate pets
Dolphins trapped in little nets
Now i hate pets
You little f*cking
Screaming sh*t-bag
I should of let your mother
Eat you, little f*cker

So i got a little birdy
And i trained it everyday
He knew 1000 words
But then he flew away
But then i got him back
The f*cker wouldn't shut his trap
So i took him to the bathroom
And rubbed his beak in sh*t
Now i hate pets
Spotted owls in their nests
Now i hate pets
Bagged a deer and made a vest
Now i hate pets
Birds and bees and bears and bison
Pigs and parrots and pandas
I f*cking hate them all!!!

I was walking through the park
When a snake peered from his hole
A perfect opportunity
To take the bast*rd home
I chopped his f*cking head off
With my handy garden hoe
And made a lovely hat-band
For my redneck cousin bo, heee-haaw!

Now i hate pets
10,000 volts to the chest
Now i hate pets
Fed my cat some cigarettes
Now i hate pets
You little f*cking
Screaming sh*t-bag
bast*rd
f*ck you, you
f*cking pig-sh*t licker, f*ck!!!!!!