The Ballad of Alferd Packer [Demo-Version] lyrics

[Intro]
Here's a strange song
It's, um
It's the only song I've ever, ever taken actually American folklore
And written a song about
Where I saw this book of murder legends and things
And there was this guy named Alferd Packer
Who was a guide in the old west in Colorado, and um
He gathered these men out in the mountains, the San Juan Mountains
They got caught in a snowstorm and they had to stay there a long time
After a while he ate them all up because he was hungry
And when he got back he was arrested
Sort of a fascinating type of guy
"The Ballad of Alferd Packer"
It's a true story, supposedly

[Verse 1]
In the state of Colorado
In the year of '74
They crossed the San Juan Mountains
Growing hungry to the core
Their guide was Alferd Packer
They trusted him too long
For his character was weak
And his appetite was strong
[Chorus]
They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef

[Verse 2]
Along the Gunnison River
An Indian camp they spied
An Indian chief approached them
To stop them he did try
He warned them of the danger
In the snow that lay around
But the danger was in Packer
For his hunger knew no bound

[Chorus]
They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef

[Verse 3]
Well, two cold months went slowly by
Packer came back alone
"And my comrades they all froze to death
I'm starving," he did moan
The Indian chief knew how he lied
He spat upon the ground
For his belly hung out all over his belt
And he'd gained some thirty pounds
[Chorus]
Well, they called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef

[Verse 4]
And for nine long years he ran away
But finally he was tried
He claimed he didn't kill them
He only ate their hides
That County had six Democrats
Until he did arrive
And only one lives on today
He ate the other five

[Chorus]
Well, they called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef

[Verse 5]
Well, eighteen years he stayed in jail
It was a dreadful fate
For he suffered indigestion
Every time he ate
Still, it's hard to blame this hungry guy
Who went searchin' for the mines
For when he ate his friends
He'd never heard of Duncan Hines
For when he ate his friends
He'd never heard of Duncan Hines