The Draft Dodger Rag lyrics

[Intro, spoken]
We've licked pneumonia and TB and plagues that used to mock us
We've got the onus on the sun; the small pox cannot pock us
We found the antibodies for the staphylo-streptococcus
But oh, the universal curse from Vietnam to Korea
The bug of bugs that bugs us still and begs for panacea
Oh, who will find the antidote for pentagonorrhea?

[Verse 1]
I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodd
And a-keepin' old Castro down
And when it came my time to serve
I knew "Better dеad than red"
But when I got to my old draft board
Buddy, this is what I said

[Chorus]
Sarge, I'm only еighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant
[Verse 2]
I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked-up back
And I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when a bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs
I got the weakness woes, and I can't touch my toes
I could hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy ever came close to me
Why, I probably start to sneeze

[Chorus]
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant

[Verse 3]
I hate Chou En-lai, and I hope he dies
But I think you gotta see
That if someone's gotta go over there
That someone isn't me
So have a ball, Sarge, watch 'em fall
While you kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without any gore
Well, I'll be the first to go
[Chorus]
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
And my asthma's gettin' worse
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
I gotta water my rubber tree plant
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant