Defibrillator Lungs lyrics

the desperation was honey
she smothered me in sweetness and certainty
ripped out my clarity
with lungs full of hate i sunk my head beneath the waves
i failed every previous attempt, but maybe ill cross the line this time

my responses were calculated, so sophisticated i felt suffocated
a robot with too tight screws
i still respond to everything kind with something rude
—perhaps confused anger—
or a genuine question with a comical answer
obviously, at nineteen, still i remain fourteen
I still hate as if im fifteen
if i apologized this many years apart, do you think they’d mind?

hating spring was more than a metaphor to me
i hated the air she breathed as if she were the enemy
she didn't deserve my erasure of her dignity
deep down i was wrapped within a cocoon of jealousy
what she felt was cheap was the only richness i had
therefore i bit my teeth and clawed myself mad
that love was all i ever had

i perpetuate myself within the ballad of mind over matter telling myself that hate expires
but we all know i am a filthy liar
isnt this situation im always found in so desperately dire?
i collect liquorish guilt between the plaque in my teeth
i carry it so gracefully & accept the fates persistently
if they could of been salvaged, why not me?
i am aware of how my story goes
"make art so you dont feel so alone"
sometimes i still witness myself in the snow
in the field of forgotten souls
within the forest of cascading ghouls
Thinking i could outrun the cold, i was such a gullible fool
i head a heart of gold but i never knew what to do

crashed a trolly into the concrete
dried blood was never a catastrophe
in the backseat, i never felt so happy
clashing legs and feet and bodies
in those moments i lost all the weight which was present upon me
oh the simplicity when you remember how to breathe



two defibrillators placed upon my lungs like a cross
God mocks my waterlogged body, he scoffs
oh, as people beg to save me
if i breath again, i know ill never be able to repay the cost
if i drop off now, not much would be lost
my body was a vessel and i shouted through it
my body was a vessel and a burnt a cigarette hole in it
they placed defibrillators against the pair of cavities beside my heart
something broke me apart and it felt hot
i jumped out in a shock
my vocal cords released
and let out an angered scream of a burnt teen which had been caged behind rotting teeth
i collapsed with no dignity
head against the cold concrete
drained and lifeless yet full of life
i could of sworn i was fine till i was found
the doctor told me i just had nerve damage

hair drenched in its natural waves
washed out all the dye, i look my age again
bruised thighs and a mouth full of dead fish and lies
i could of sworn i died
on the operating table
i feel the nerves replying to the soul
good god, how many years did i lose to the cold?