A Complete History of p*nis Envy, Sizes 24-29 lyrics

I'm jealous of the men whose p*nises are larger than my p*nises
And I'm jealous of the men whose p*nises are so enormous they outstrip all average p*nises
I'm even jealous of the men whose p*nises are slightly smaller than mine
A complete history of p*nis envy, sizes 24-29

I'm jealous of the women whose slightly protuberant clitorises pass for p*nises bigger than mine
I'm jealous of the men who measure the p*nises of the men whose p*nises reach size 29
And my only consolation for p*nis envy would be to write a bitter and twisted little song
Called 'A Complete History of p*nis Envy, Sizes 24-29'

I once saw a man whose p*nis was so big he had to wheel it around in a wheelbarrow
And I used to think it wasn't what you got but how you used it that mattered, but now I don't know
And if you see me one day muttering, shabby and mad in the doorway with a paper bag round a bottle of wine
Just put it down to p*nis envy, sizes 24-29