Lemon Cookie lyrics

[Spoken]
Okay, I got it, you're gonna love this one.

There's this guy, this guy, right, he's feeling kinda sick, feeling a little off. He goes into the doctor, the doctor diagnoses him as having a tapeworm!

Oh my God! The guy is freaking out! He's got terrible mental images, tapeworm, "ah tapeworm! I've got a tapeworm!"

The doctor says "no, no! Calm down! Relax, take it easy. There's a brand new therapy for getting rid of tapeworms. It doesn't involve any kind of surgery, it's completely outpatient, and it only takes four days!"

The guy thinks about this and he's like "well I guess that sounds pretty good that- yeah let's do it! Let's do it!"

So the doctor's like "great! Come on in tomorrow and we'll begin the treatment!"

So the man walks into the doctor's office the next day. Sitting on the equipment tray is a hardboiled egg and a lemon cookie. The doctor says "take down your pants," the man takes down his pants. The doctor says "bend over" the man bends over. And suddenly, the doctor inserts the hardboiled egg, right up the man's bum! Followed immediately by the lemon cookie!

This sort of surprises the man a little bit. But the doctor says, the doctor assures him, he says "no, no, no! You're doing wonderfully! It's perfect! It's fantastic! Come on in tomorrow and we'll continue the treatment."

So the man comes in the next day. Sitting on the doctor's equipment tray is a hardboiled egg and a lemon cookie. The doctor says "take down your pants," the man takes down his pants. The doctor says "bend over" the man bends over. And suddenly, the doctor inserts the hardboiled egg, right up the man's bum! Followed immediately by the lemon cookie!

The man's starting to think twice about this doctor a little bit. But the doctor says "no, no, no! You're doing great! You're doing fantastic! I've never seen anyone react to this treatment quite like you have. Come on in tomorrow and we'll continue our war, against the tapeworm!"

So the man comes in on the third day. Sitting on the doctor's equipment tray is a hardboiled egg and a lemon cookie. The doctor says "take down your pants," the man takes down his pants. The doctor says "bend over" the man bends over. In goes the hardboiled egg! Followed immediately by the lemon cookie!

The doctor says "this is wonderful. This is fantastic! I can't tell you what I'm feeling right now. Come in tomorrow and you will be rid of your tapeworm. Forever!"

So the man comes in on the fourth and final day. Sitting on the doctor's equipment tray is a hardboiled egg and a five-pound sledgehammer. Which causes some anxiety, when the doctor says "take down your pants." But the doctor has treated him so well up to this point, the man trusts him completely! So he takes down his pants. The doctor says "bend over" the man bends over. And in goes the hardboiled egg!
The doctor picks up the sledgehammer. He waits one minute. Two minutes. Three minutes.

The tapeworm sticks his head out and says "hey! Where's my lemon cookie?" BAM

What?