The Ballad of di*k And Jane lyrics

There were three young men who fell in love with Jane
Tom, di*k, and Harry were their names
"I am her only boyfriend," each of them would boast
But she passed on Tom and Harry
'Cause she liked di*k the most

Now she's got di*k in the palm of her hand
She likes to hold di*k
She likes to squeeze di*k
She likes to kiss di*k all of the time
Seems like di*k is always on her mind

So di*k and Jane got married on that day
But their petty problems soon got in the way
Before long they were divorcin', and di*k thought he'd
Get half
But Jane took everything except for Muff, their little
Cat

Now he's got Muff in the palm of his hand
He likes to grab Muff
He likes to squeeze Muff
He likes to tease Muff all of the time
Seems like Muff is always on his mind