My Wife’s Vibrator lyrics

I used to be such a happy guy
Thought things were good between my wife and I
But now I just hang my head in shame

Since the day that I found
The thing that turned my world upside-down
No, I'll never be the same

Since I found my wife's vibrator
Stuffed in a cotton sock
(My wife's vibrator)
A perfect replica of a c*ck
(My wife's vibrator)
It was so big and fat
How the hell could I compete with that?
My wife's vibrator

I picked it up; it weighed a ton
Took four D batteries to make it run
And the writing on the side said its name was "Slim"

Is this what it takes to feel alive?
Three f*ckin' gears and an overdrive
When I turned it on, all the lights went dim

When I found my wife's vibrator
What is this all about
(My wife's vibrator)
That thing'll knock her fillin's out
(My wife's vibrator)
Don't you dare laugh
I swear to God, it's gonna split her in half
My wife's vibrator
She came home earlier than planned
With me holding c*ck-Zilla in my hand
And I just stood there in a trance

She said, "Well, now that you know
Is there any chance you wanna give it a go?"
I just fell to the floor and I p*ssed my pants

When I found my wife's vibrator
I think they're full of sh*t
(My wife's vibrator)
There's no way you could make it fit
(My wife's vibrator)
Who did they model it on?
That motherf*cker's got one hell of a schlong

My wife's vibrator
I found my wife's vibrator
Yes, I found my wife's vibrator
(My wife's vibrator)