Finger Me lyrics

[Chromozome]
Why are you making me do this? I didn't mean to do it. It was an honest mistake.

[Friend]
An honest mistake? Eating your own c*ck and then sh*tting it out, that's an honest mistake? No! That is far beyond an honest mistake! You've been acting weird for two weeks, I don't know what's going on with you! I'm taking you to a therapist to help you! I want to know what's wrong since you won't tell me anything!

[Chromozome]
And I'm telling you I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want to go to the rapist. He's going to rape me. Please don't do this to me.

[Friend]
Oh my f*cking God dude. Therapist. Therapist! Not the rapist! Therapist! They help you.

[Chromozome]
Then why is the word rapist in the name?

[Friend]
Alright look, I don't know and quite frankly I don't care. Thе thing is, I'm going to be in there with you. So nothing is going to happеn ok? I promise.

[Chromozome]
You pinky promise?

[Friend]
Ugh yes I pinky promise, alright? Now let's go.

[Dr Haram]
Hello welcome to the Foundations Counseling Center. Do you have an appointment today?
[Friend]
Hi, yes I do, I have one for Dr Fitzgerald at 1:00. It's for my friend here. I'll just be tagging along to help explain what's going on.

[Dr Haram]
Alright. I'll let him know right away. I'll be right back,

[Dr Fitzgerald]
No need Dr Haram, I'm already here. Looks like I finished up just in time. If you guys could follow me to my office we can get started right away.

[Friend]
Alright, will do. Come on.

[Chromozome]
Alright.

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Alright, so which one of you is Rylan?

[Friend]
That would be him. And doc I just want to say thanks for taking the time to do this. You don't know how much he needs this.

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Oh it's my pleasure. I really enjoy helping people, it's why I took this job. Now Rylan if you don't mind sitting in that chair over there for me we can get started right away.

[Chromozome]
Alright
[Dr Fitzgerald]
So are you a friend of his or family like a brother?

[Friend]
I'm his friend. And I need to be here because you're going to need a lot of explanation as to what's going on with him.

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Alright, not a problem. Let's get started shall we? So Rylan, can we just start with what's on your mind? What's been bothering you lately?

[Chromozome]
I'm totally fine. I don't know why my friend thinks I need therapy, honestly he needs f*cking therapy.

[Friend]
No dude, you need therapy, you need it badly!

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Woah, woah, everyone calm down, calm down. We do not need to be getting hostile over anything. Would you mind telling me what he's talking about since he seems to be very aggressive right now?

[Friend]
Yeah. So basically, two weeks ago, he started acting strange.

[Dr Fitzgerald]
So how has he been acting strange?

[Chromozome]
I HAVEN'T BEEN ACTING STRANGE, ALRIGHT!?
[Friend]
YES YOU HAVE! SHUT UP! He's just not been his usual self. It first started with him saying erratic stuff and being inappropriate in public.

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Hmm. I see. So, where'd it go from there?

[Friend]
Those were the small things that I noticed. But this week. Oh god. His personality just shifted to something that I had never seen before. The things he's done this week and it's only Wednesday. You wouldn't believe if I told you.

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Alright, well you sound terrified, what has he done to cause this?

[Friend]
The most foul, wicked, extreme, and f*cked up things you could ever imagine.

[Chromozome]
WHAT I HAVE DONE HAS NOT BEEN ANY OF THOSE! YOU'RE OVEREXAGGERATING IT!

[Friend]
OVEREXAG- Alright, doctor if you want to hear all this, you're not going to believe me, but this is everything that he has done this week! So, trying to get head from me in the car when we were on our way to the store!

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Um, what the f*ck?

[Friend]
Once we get to the store, you see all of the stuffed animals and decide oh I'm going to go f*ck them, surely there's nothing wrong with that. And you proceed to do it in front of the entire store.

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Wait what!? Excuse me!?

[Friend]
Then we go home and watch a movie. You jump through the f*cking TV some how and start playing with Charlie Brown! You basically sexually assaulted a kid!

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Wait what? Uh in what way?

[Friend]
And then- oh my f*cking God. You try to get me to kiss you and have sex with you! So I bought you a sex doll to try to dissuade from that!

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Is he gay!?

[Friend]
And then what happens? You f*cked it so hard that your di*k fell off! And then what do you do after that? You f*cking eat the thing! YOU ATE YOUR OWN c*ck! YOU ATE IT!

[Dr Fitzgerald]
WHAT!? WHAT!!??

[Friend]
And then for some reason you go on a f*cking ramble about making someone's pus*y itch, I don't know what the f*ck that was about! And then you go to the bathroom after passing so much gas and then YOU sh*t OUT YOUR c*ck! WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'RE HERE FOR!?

[Chromozome]
You're scaring me! You're yelling at me I don't like when you yell you know that! It's not my fault!

[Friend]
Also doctor. I'll have you know, he did all of this while rapping. And I don't know what's wrong with him. I need your help, please.

[Dr Fitzgerald]
I- I don't think I can help you. I really don't. Rylan. What the f*ck is wrong with you?

[Chromozome]
Nothing's wrong with me. But you guys are judgmental and I really don't like it. My friend just yelled at me. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be in the same room as a rapist.

[Dr Fitzgerald]
Well, Rylan. You wanna know why they call me the rapist? OOGA BOOGA BOY I'M GONNA RAPE YOU!

[Chromozome]
(Screams of terror) GO AWAY!

[Friend]
WHAT THE f*ck! GET AWAY FROM HIM! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A THERAPIST! NOT TH- Come on Rylan let's go! We're getting the f*ck out of here!

[Dr Fitzgerald]
DAMN IT! That wasn't straight fire on the track if I didn't get to f*ck him! Oh well, I guess I'll get another victim. But that guy was so messed up, he was an easy victim. Oh well.