Ramparts lyrics

[Chromozome]
Oh Joe you're back. (Wet kiss) I've missed you so much today sweetie. What do you say if we some fun? I've been waiting all day.

[Joe Biden]
Hold on Lil Chromozome. As much as I'd like to sniff your hair and shoulders and snuzzle your cheeks right now, there's a far more concerning matter that I must bring up, and it's about you.

[Chromozome]
Huh. Um.. Yeah. What would that be? What did you want to discuss?

[Joe Biden]
You should close the door, I don't want your parents to hear what I have to say.

[Chromozome]
Oh, well, ok. So what's this about Joe?

[Joe Biden]
Now then. Do you want to explain what's going on in these photos?

[Chromozome]
What th- Is that me, Donald, and Obama having sex? These have to be photoshopped, I've never been with them.

[Joe Biden]
Rеally? Photoshopped? Well I'll tell you that thеy are one hundred percent real pictures, taken by me outside of his window last night.

[Chromozome]
Wait, why were you..? Look, it's not what it looks like.
[Joe Biden]
Not what it looks like? Really? Because to me it looks like you were getting the midnight slammer by Donald and Obama at Donald's penthouse.

[Chromozome]
Joe there's.. there's more to this than meets the eye I promise.

[Joe Biden]
I'm just as big, if not bigger than Donald. You've said many times before that I am fantastic in bed, so why did you feel the need to leave me behind? And why with Donald of all people? I can understand Obama because he's packing that black staff of the Congo. But why Donald?

[Chromozome]
Donald was just very convincing with the way he put it, and... you need to know that I still love you.

[Joe Biden]
Answer me this, and answer it honestly. Were you ever going to tell me about this? Or was I going to be left in the dark for God knows how long?

[Chromozome]
I've wanted to tell you but... it wasn't an easy decision for me.

[Joe Biden]
Did you really say that it wasn't an easy decision for you? How do you think I feel about this? Did that ever cross your mind?

[Chromozome]
Of course it did. It's just... I didn't think you'd want to join in on our threesomes. I thought you would leave me if I told you.

[Joe Biden]
How could you have thought that I wouldn't want in on the action? I'm Joe f*cking Biden. Of course I wanted in on it! How could you do this to me!? What led to you making this decision to get piped down without me!?
[Chromozome]
Look, Joe there's more to it than that! It was just a lapse in judgement I swear!

[Joe Biden]
Clearly it was more than a lapse in judgement. This feels like a more personal problem! I want an actual answer!

[Chromozome]
Alright! Me, Donald, and Obama have been doing this for months. But you've been busy! I didn't think you'd want to join in either!

[Joe Biden]
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE A WORD YOU SAY NOW!? YOU'VE BEEN LYING THROUGH YOUR TEETH FOR MONTHS!

[Chromozome]
I can't talk to you when you're like this.

[Joe Biden]
DON'T YOU DARE WALK OUT THAT DOOR LIL CHROMOZOME, WE AREN'T FINISHED YET!

[Chromozome]
Joe please! I'm telling you the truth! We only did it because you were busy! You need to know that I'm still loyal to you above everyone else! I just need you to calm down and hear me out!

[Joe Biden]
NO, I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO ABANDON THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, YOUR TRUE SOULMATE AND LOVER, FOR THE PREVIOUS ONES THAT YOU DON'T GET TO SEE THAT OFTEN!?

[Chromozome]
Joe I'm telling you, if we had known that you wanted to join in, we would have let you, they would have let you! You need to understand, I'm loyal to you above everything else in this world! I love you more than anyone! And Donald and Obama can explain everything else to you.
[Joe Biden]
Tell me right now who is better in bed, me or Donald!?

[Chromozome]
I- I- I -

[Joe Biden]
TELL ME!

[Chromozome]
Ok. Donald by a slight bit. But that still doesn't change anything!

[Joe Biden]
I just want to know why! What motivated you to do what you did!?

[Chromozome]
It was just some lustful feelings I couldn't hold back! That's all!

[Joe Biden]
Was all of it a lie? Was I just an object of satisfaction for you to use until you found one better? When you said you loved me, did you really mean it?

[Chromozome]
I've always meant it Joe! Without you my life is meaningless! You are everything to me! You have to believe me!

[Joe Biden]
I just can't believe you anymore Lil Chromozome. You lied to me, you know, you broke my heart, betrayed my trust, and had a threesome with the two former presidents, one of which being my political rival.

[Chromozome]
I swear I'm telling the truth Joe. Donald and Obama can say the same thing.

[Obama]
He's right Joe. Don't blame him for what's been going on. We can explain everything.

[Joe Biden]
Donald? Obama? How and why are you guys here? And why shouldn't I use my presidential powers to have your asses locked up for stealing my lover from me without even including me in your threesomes?

[Donald Trump]
Joe, he's telling the truth. If anyone deserves to be blamed for not informing you on what was going on it's us.

[Obama]
You have no idea how much you mean to him Joe. He really cares about you, trust me.

[Donald Trump]
Joe look, as much as I loathe you politically due to you stealing the election from me, which I totally won, I still love you. Just as much as I love Obama and Lil Chromozome.

[Obama]
I know this has been a difficult thing for you to hear, but you should know that we all love you. And we've wanted to include you in our threesomes, but we thought that you couldn't join in.

[Donald Trump]
But the truth is, we didn't want to get in the way of your presidential duties. We thought you would be too busy or too exhausted to join in on us having a threesome. We didn't know that you wanted to join us for so long. And for that I'm sorry. You really do mean a lot to him Joe. He talks about you a lot when he comes over. Despite the threesomes we've had, we know that you two share a strong and emotional bond, and Obama and I will never come between that, I promise.

[Joe Biden]
Do you guys really mean that?

[Obama]
Of course we do. If you want you can join us in our sexual endeavours. We really do love you Joe. Let us have some fun together, not just as friends, but as lovers too.

[Joe Biden]
Oh Lil Chromozome. I'm so sorry for the way I treated you. I was wrong to treat you that way.

[Chromozome]
It's ok Joe. You had every right to question me, every right to be concerned about what was going on. But, can we start again? All four of us this time. And me and you Joe, as true lovers.

[Joe Biden]
That sounds great Lil Chromozome, but before we all enjoy ourselves I need to talk to Donald. I didn't know you felt that way about me. Truth be told, I feel the same way about you, even if I made it seem like I despised you. And while I may have a deeper connection to Lil Chromozome that with you, I will tell you this. I love you Donald, and I always will.

[Obama]
I never thought I'd see the day where two of the most extreme members of both political parties admit they have feelings for each other. But that's the beauty of love, right Lil Chromozome?

[Chromozome]
Absolutely right Barack.

[Obama]
I almost forgot to ask you, was that straight fire on the track?

[Chromozome]
THAT WAS STRAIGHT FIRE ON THE TRACK!

[Donald Trump]
Straight fire indeed! Now let me be the first to use his as*h*le!

[Joe Biden]
Hold on Donald, you got to use it last so it's my turn now.

[Donald Trump]
Ok fine. But I get to bust a fat one in his ass next.

[Obama]
Alright Lil Chromozome. It's time for these presidents to glaze you from head to toe.

[Chromozome]
Oh yeah. Cover me mister Presidents. Yes.