Where The f*ck Are My Keys lyrics

[Chromozome]
Oh my f*cking God! Where the f*ck are my keys!? I've been looking for them and my car has been going off like NON-STOP! SHUT UP! Alright. I can't find them on any counters, they're not in my room, and they're not in the f*cking living room! So that means only one thing. GRANDMA! WHERE ARE MY KEYS!?

[Grandma]
Um... I- I don't know sweetie. You might have left them outside. Did you check there?

[Chromozome]
Oh my f*cking God! Grandma! If I did not look outside, do you think I'd be asking you right now!? DO YOU HAVE DEMENTIA OR SOMETHING!?

[Grandma]
Hey hey... No need to be rude, I was just giving a recommendation. I have no idea where your keys are. I looked everywhere with you and I just haven't seen them, I'm sorry

[Chromozome]
YOU'RE A LYING f*ckING FAGGOT! YOU KNOW THAT GRANDMA!? I can smell the car keys on you
*Smells grandma intensely*
Oh f*ck. And that perfume too. What is that perfume? It's getting me a little riled up, not gonna lie. But grandma! If you don't show me where my car keys are I'M GOING TO BEAT THE EVER LIVING sh*t OUT OF YOU!

[Grandma]
I- I swear I don't know I promise you. I don't know where they are

[Chromozome]
Wait a minute
*Intensely sniffs grandma again*

[Grandma]
You can't be touching me on the butt
[Chromozome]
SHUT UP! You naughty b*tch, you put them in your butt didn't you!?

[Grandma]
Wha- No. No I didn't

[Chromozome]
Oh yeah you did! AND I'M GONNA PULL THEM OUT RIGHT NOW!

[Grandma]
*Moan* Oh. That felt so good coming out. Oh

[Chromozome]
OH THAT WAS STRAIGHT FIRE ON THE TRACK! And now that I've got my keys, I'm gonna get the f*ck in my car, and drive. And kill everyone on the road. f*ck you grandma