Next Year lyrics

[Wife]
Wow honey, I can't believe it. Another year of successful marriage. God, I love you so much darling.

[Darren]
Oh, well, I guess it has been another year. But I don't know, something feels wrong.

[Wife]
What? What do you mean darling?

[Darren]
I don't know, its... I just feel like I've been drifting away from you over these few years. I know I said I loved you and everything, but... I don't actually feel that way.

[Wife]
What?... But... but why?

[Darren]
Look, I told you, I don't know. I don't what's causing this, but I don't... I don't really love you anymore. We've been married for what six years? And in that time it's just... I don't really know. I've felt us drifting apart over the years.

[Wife]
You don't love me anymore? Am I doing something wrong? Is my ass not good enough? Is my mouth not good enough? Do I not cook good enough meals? Do I not call you master enough? What can I do more?

[Darren]
No no, it's not that. You have done perfectly well. It's just... It's me. Again I'm not entirely sure what it is, but... I don't know, I've just felt us drifting apart.

[Wife]
But... you've been acting like our marriage was fine. I thought you were happy. That's why I did everything for you. I thought you were happy with me.
[Darren]
And I was, at the beginning. But, for about four years now I just... I haven't felt the same. Again I'm not entirely sure why but... I think... I think I might be gay.

[Wife]
Wha... What? No that cant' be true. We have three kids. How can you just suddenly be gay now? Please, please don't let this be true, please.

[Darren]
Again, I'm still not entirely sure if it's an actual feeling. But I feel like it might be true. He's a very special guy. I met him, very far away.

[Wife]
Can you at least tell me his name?

[Darren]
Actually, it's hard to pronounce. A lot of weird spellings. But he should be here any minute.

[Wife]
Wait... What?

*Rocket ship landing*

[Darren]
Ah. Here he is. Hello Ghwerkdahgerck

[Ghwerkdahgerck]
Hello Darren. Are you ready to go to my planet and repopulate?
[Darren]
Oh yes I am. Let's get going darling.

[Wife]
Wait what!? You're dating an alien!? But what about our kids? Please don't go!

[Darren]
Don't worry. I'll come back every few years to visit. Consider this our divorce. Let's get going darling. *Wet smooch*

*Rocket ship blasts off*

[Wife]
NO! NO! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE! PLEASE! *Cries* i guess I'll see him in 2023.

[Ghwerkdahgerck]
OH THAT WAS STRAIGHT FIRE ON THE f*ckING TRACK! I'll see you all in 2023. WITH A SIDE OF FRIED BISCUITS!