Cards Against Humanity: First Expansion lyrics

Black cards

• An international tribunal has found ________ guilty of ________.
• And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for ________.
• Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of ________ has denied your request for ________
• I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with ________.
• In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to ________.
• In a pinch, ________ can be a suitable substitute for ________.
• In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of ________.
• In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated ________.
• In the distant future, historians will agree that ________ marked the beginning of America's decline.
• Michael Bay's new three-hour action epic pits ________ against ________.
• My plan for world domination begins with ________.
• Next season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the Amazon with only ________ and his wits.
• Science will never explain ________.
• The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to ________.
• The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to ________ is a basic human right.
• What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?
• What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony?
• What's the gift that keeps on giving?
• When I pooped, what came out of my butt?
• When all else fails, I can always masturbate to ________.

White cards

• 24-hour media coverage.
• A beached whale.
• A big black di*k.
• A bloody pacifier.
• A crappy little hand.
• A low standard of living.
• A nuanced critique.
• A passionate Latino lover.
• A plunger to the face.
• A rival dojo.
• A web of lies.
• A woman scorned.
• Apologizing.
• Beating your wives.
• Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
• Being a dinosaur.
• Bosnian chicken farmers.
• Carnies.
• Clams.
• Clenched butt cheeks.
• Coughing into a vagina.
• Deflowering the princess.
• Dorito breath.
• Eating an albino.
• Enormous Scandinavian women.
• Fabricating statistics.
• Finding a skeleton.
• Gandalf.
• Genetically engineered super-soldiers.
• George Clooney's musk.
• Getting abducted by Peter Pan.
• Getting in her pants, politely.
• Gladiatorial combat.
• Hipsters.
• Historical revisionism.
• Insatiable bloodlust.
• Jafar.
• Jean-Claude Van Damme.
• Just the tip.
• Leveling up.
• Literally eating sh*t.
• Mad hacky-sack skills.
• Making the p*nises kiss.
• Medieval Times© Dinner & Tournament.
• Moral ambiguity.
• My machete.
• Neil Patrick Harris.
• Nubile slave boys.
• Ominous background music.
• One thousand Slim Jims.
• Overpowering your father.
• Panty raids.
• Quiche.
• Quivering jowls.
• Revenge f*cking.
• Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.
• Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.
• Saliva.
• Santa Claus.
• Scrotum tickling.
• Sexual humiliation.
• Sexy Siamese twins.
• Shaft.
• Space muffins.
• Statistically validated stereotypes.
• Stockholm Syndrome.
• Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.
• Suicidal thoughts.
• Syphilitic insanity.
• The Gulags.
• The boners of the elderly.
• The economy.
• The four arms of Vishnu.
• The harsh light of day.
• The hiccups.
• The ooze.
• The shambling corpse of Larry King.
• Tripping balls.
• Words, words, words.
• Zeus's sexual appetites.