Cards Against Humanity: Third Expansion lyrics

Black cards

• A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with ________.
• After months of practice with ________, I think I'm finally ready for ________.
• And what did you bring for show and tell?
• As part of his contract, Prince won't perform without ________ in his dressing room.
• As part of his daily regimen, Anderson Cooper sets aside 15 minutes for ________.
• Call the law offices of Goldstein & Goldstein, because no one should have to tolerate ________ in the workplace.
• During high school, I never really fit in until I found ________ club.
• Finally! A service that delivers ________ right to your door.
• Having problems with ________? Try ________!
• Hey, baby, come back to my place and I'll show you ________.
• I'm not like the rest of you. I'm too rich and busy for ________.
• In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure ________ for all eternity.
• Listen, son. If you want to get involved with ________, I won't stop you. Just steer clear of ________.
• Lovin' you is easy 'cause you're ________.
• Money can't buy me love, but it can buy me ________.
• My gym teacher got fired for adding ________ to the obstacle course.
• My life is ruled by a vicious cycle of ________ and ________.
• The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in ________.
• To prepare for his upcoming role, Daniel Day-Lewis immersed himself in the world of ________.
• Turns out that ________-Man was neither the hero we needed nor wanted.
• What left this stain on my couch?
• When you get right down to it, ________ is just ________.
• With enough time and pressure, ________ will turn into ________.
• ________. Awesome in theory, kind of a mess in practice.
• ________: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for ________!

White cards

• A PowerPoint presentation.
• A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.
• A boo-boo.
• A botched circ*mcision.
• A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.
• A cop who is also a dog.
• A greased-up Matthew McConaughey.
• A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.
• A pile of squirming bodies.
• A spontaneous conga line.
• A surprising amount of hair.
• A vagina that leads to another dimension.
• Actually getting shot, for real.
• All my friends dying.
• An all-midget production of Shakespeare's Richard III.
• An ass disaster.
• An unstoppable wave of fire ants.
• Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.
• Blood farts.
• Blowing some dudes in an alley.
• Buying the right pants to be cool.
• Chugging a lava lamp.
• c*ck.
• Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.
• Demonic possession.
• Disco fever.
• Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs® to get fifty continuous hours of energy.
• Dying alone and in pain.
• Eating Tom Selleck's mustache to gain his powers.
• Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.
• Fisting.
• Flying robots that kill people.
• Gay aliens.
• Getting your di*k stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another di*k.
• Girls that always be textin'.
• Going around punching people.
• Having sex on top of a pizza.
• Having shotguns for legs.
• Indescribable loneliness.
• Jumping out at people.
• Letting everyone down.
• Mufasa's death scene.
• My manservant, Claude.
• Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.
• Not having sex.
• Nothing.
• Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.
• Reverse cowgirl.
• Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.
• Running naked through a mall, p*ssing and sh*tting everywhere.
• Samuel L. Jackson.
• Screaming like a maniac.
• Self-flagellation.
• Shutting the f*ck up.
• Slapping a racist old lady.
• Sneezing, farting, and coming at the same time.
• Some douche with an acoustic guitar.
• Some kind of bird-man.
• Spending lots of money.
• That ass.
• The Harlem Globetrotters.
• The Land of Chocolate.
• The Quesadilla Explosion Salad™ from Chili's©.
• The entire Internet.
• The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.
• The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.
• The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.
• The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn.
• The way white people is.
• Three months in the hole.
• Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.
• Velcro™.
• Vietnam flashbacks.
• Vomiting mid-blowjob.
• Warm, velvety muppet sex.