Cards Against Humanity: 2013 Holiday Pack lyrics

Black cards

• Because they are forbidden from masturbating, Mormons channel their repressed sexual energy into ________.
• Blessed are you, Lord our God, creator of the universe, who has granted us ________.
• But wait, there's more! If you order ________ in the next 15 minutes, we'll throw in ________ absolutely free!
• GREETINGS HUMANS
  I AM ________ BOT
  EXECUTING PROGRAM
• Here's what you can expect for the new year. Out: ________. In: ________.
• I really hope my grandma doesn't ask me to explain ________ again.
• Kids these days with their iPods and their Internet. In my day, all we needed to pass the time was ________.
• Revealed: Why He Really Resigned! Pope Benedict's Secret Struggle with ________!
• What's the one thing that makes an elf instantly ejaculate?

White cards

• A magical tablet containing a world of unlimited pornography.
• A simultaneous nightmare and wet dream starring Sigourney Weaver.
• Being blind and deaf and having no limbs.
• Breeding elves for their priceless semen.
• Congress's flaccid p*nises withering away beneath their suit pants.
• Finding out that Santa isn't real.
• Giving money and personal information to strangers on the Internet.
• Having a strong opinion about Obamacare.
• Jizzing into Santa's beard.
• Making up for 10 years of sh*tty parenting with a PlayStation.
• Moses gargling Jesus's balls while Shiva and the Buddha penetrate his divine hand holes.
• People with cake in their mouths talking about how good cake is.
• Piece of sh*t Christmas cards with no money in them.
• Rudolph's bright red balls.
• Slicing a ham in icy silence.
• Swapping bodies with mom for a day.
• The Grinch's musty, c*m-stained pelt.
• The Hawaiian goddess Kapo and her flying detachable vagina.
• The royal afterbirth.
• The sh*ttier, Jewish version of Christmas.
• These low, low prices!