I’m Just a Happy Quaker! lyrics

[spoken]
“In a video game, I'm the guy who keeps running away from what doesn’t work. ‘You're too smart! You're too smart! Ack, go away! We are the American publishing industry and YOU ARE TOO SMART!’”

[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“So I evolved into this.”

[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“You see how the Second Coming of Jesus is no different from Frogger?”

[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“They were just such weird and mean people, all uniformly old.”

[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“Every time I had sex, I thought about how they either didn't have sex or were forced to have sex with other old fogies.”

[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“That's when I realized I had a mental health problem.”
[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“I hated the publishing industry even more after that.”

[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“Which were some of the sexiest nights of my life.”

[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“So this quirky 21st-century comedy—rejected by publishers for being too smart and therefore ‘not capitalism-friendly'—but these same humans are ugly and unf*ckable—makin' me have sex like crazy in 1984's Cyberpunk 2077 dystopia—while thinking about how ugly those publishers are.”

[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“It's a story only Colson Lin could force down the human future's throat.”

[Video game sounds.]

[spoken]
“‘I have hot gay sex to remember how ugly you are, and your progressive politics have no choice but to love every part of this.’”

[Video game sounds.]
[spoken]
“Yeah, that’s 'I’m Just a Happy Quaker!'”

“Good Privileged Colson” looked out
On the Feast of First World Babylon…
Where the show laid
With its seams splayed out
(Seepin' omens)

High shone the queer moon blue tonight
Through the misty moral diffusions
Of Babylon
Where the insiders spread
With their arms out like Christ did
(Creeps be domin')

Fake Mitches, true Jims
Bring me flesh and cull their whine
Fake Mitches, boo him
Through the rude winds ride my wicked rhyme
Ye, who now will bless the poor
Shall yourselves find blessing

I’m not a system shaker
I'm just a happy Quaker
Said I ain't no crack-disrupter
I'm just a dopey Quaker
I'm not a system shaker
(In the forest of light's true reason)
Said “I'm just a happy Quaker”
(Beamin' Satan my inner treasons)

Said “I love rainin' my p*ss on Satan”
(“Don't you?”) (“Who wouldn't?”)
I love strainin'
The patience of demons
(Said “Don't you?”) (God, tell me)
Who wouldn't?

Fake Mitches, blue Jims
Bring me flesh and cull their whine
Fake Mitches, boo him
Through the rude winds ride my wicked rhyme
Ye, who now will bless the poor
Shall yourselves find blessing

“Good Privileged Colson” looked out
On the Feast of First World Babylon…
Where the show laid
With seams splayed out
(Seepin' amens)

High time for a true orange moonlight
Through the misty moral diffusions
(Of Babylon…)
Where the elites roamed
With their arms spread out like Christ did
(They're creepily domin'…)

“Good Privileged Colson” looked out
On the Feast of First World Babylon…
Where the show laid
With its seams splayed out
(Seepin' amens)

High time for a true orange moonlight
Through the misty moral diffusions
(Of Babylon…)
Where the elites roamed
With their arms spread out like Christ did
(Creeps are domin'…)

I'm not a system shaker
(Creeps are domin'…)
I'm just a happy Quaker
Where the insiders spread
With their arms out like Christ did

Fakes be domin'
By 2024
1984 was already here