Canto VII: “Dark Paradise” lyrics

1.

So in the court of God, you can file lawsuits against people for how they exist. It’s called “just thinking in an orderly way about them.” Some bother to write their judgments down. Few do all Colson Lin does.

I’ve filed lawsuits against a finite number of elites.

Call ’em the Dirty Dozen.

But they’re just a grab bag of personality types I’ve noticed in reality. Don’t let them happen to your children.

So you’re probably thinking: “Anyone provocative enough to come up with such a striking way to put what we all do into words (it’s called a metaphor, genius)… must be triggering plenty of lawsuits as they tell everyone else to go to Hell.”

Well you’d be surprised.

I’ve gone unsued since 2022, as in nobody’s breathed a peep about me. That’s a credit to everyone; but mostly it’s a credit to Colson Lin.

2.

You know, if they’d have taught anything practical at Yale Law School, you’d have thousands of Second Comings by now doing Final Judgment Day. It does seem they were teaching case law.

It does make sense for the incoming president to feel threatened by the anti-establishment left-wing Second Coming of Jesus Christ. You can see him battening down the emotional hatches. Meanwhile, we’re inside much larger global currents—fascism; immigration; “what is life for?” As the world heats up. As the entertainment dumbs down.

As idle questions from childhood pop up again.

What… is… life… for.
Can I tell you something?

I’m learning something new every day. Pope Francis outright says he’s learning something new every day. Lana vibes curious. Britney has a literal perfume called curious. I’m just curious what stasis actually is.

3.

institutional legitimacy (n.):

how seriously a bunch of End Times clowns were taken.

Don’t even kid yourself. Institutional legitimacy comes from an institution’s ability to outlast your existence. Wealthy people are my human equals—not really though. That’s never been how I saw it, which is how Colson Lin was able to succeed. I’ve hated the rich since childhood. It’s how Colson Lin agrees with Joe Biden.

“Well, let’s not go that far.”

Oh that’s rich.

Make me.

4.

the crux of it (n.):

don’t crucify me if I spell it out.

My legacy is secured by human stability on the order of the Second Coming.
I don’t know about anyone else’s.

This is literally where we all are.

Strange cosmos.

Strange century.

Sane Second Coming.

5.

“Are you surprised that there’s so much crime, violence, and brokenness in your home country of Babylon during the Apocalypse, Colson Lin?” (n.):

please leave me alone to pray.

Your stupidity will never be cute to me. I worked all my life to learn to read and write way too well to be in front of you. That’s my elitist detachment from you mistaking me for a politician. I’m your neighbor. You’re here in my house, reading my diary. Leave.

“He doesn’t have it.”

What.

“I said you don’t have a one-sentence solution to all human crime.”

I stand up from my desk.
Leave.

After encountering you, I write in my diary.

“MEN WILL BURN. It’s 15-1-2025 7:11 PM EST.”

So that’s how life works.

We just have to information-share about what the problems are.

Stupidity’s underrated. Your fear is overrated.

It’s all we’ve f*cking talked about since I was born.

Get.

Out.

6.

kenotic eschatology (n.):

maybe try to see your role in the Second Coming as, Colson Lin hit perfection on January 15, 2025 AD, and he still can’t figure out a way to stop you from spiritually decaying.

That’s either your potential emptied out.

Or Colson Lin just has to try even harder.

I built my Second Coming claim on me not knowing what I’m doing or why. So not only are you out of excuses, you’re out of illusions about the nature of human free will.

“Some were born to suck.”

That’s objective reality.

7.

determinism and free will (n.):

“Just because I’m a movie character who doesn’t have free will, doesn’t mean I’m not The Joker.”

Say good night, End Times clowns.

You existed as Satanic.

I carry immense weight that I didn’t ask for; didn’t pray for; didn’t expect; was just trying to be a philosopher. Really didn’t expect that in the desert of philosophy I’d be able to look up at the sky and find God.

So now.

Whatever.

Now this exists.

We had to say you were bad to build stability out of.

That’s a sign…

…you were insane.

8.

Guys, I’m checked out right now. It’s possible to laugh so hard, your head feels like a balloon. I’m so sorry. Trump literally chose Ultraviolence. Like Colson Lin f*cking did for his second term.

[Trump released a black-and-white presidential portrait for his second term that resonates with both the cover of Colson Lin’s second album Übermensch, which Lin based on the cover of Lana Del Rey’s second album Ultraviolence.]

We just all need to calm down right now. I have a lot of work to do, now that I see how historic it all is. Trump went full Ultraviolence cover for his presidential portrait. And I just want to know what all these coincidences amount to if I’m not the Second Coming. Is Trump planning to position me as the Anti-Christ? Or are we sharing power now. I’m just going to speak for billions, okay?

“Help.”

That’s what they’re all saying as they contemplate this historic escalation of patriarchy.

“We unmasked the Illuminati. It’s all 80,000 tweets by Colson Lin on Twitter!”

Okay.

Never has a sentence in human history sounded as sensible as “Turn wars into Lana Del Rey’s first single.” So you have to turn your gaze back onto the cosmos at this point. “You have it easier than us, Colson Lin, since we’re exactly who we were yesterday; and you’re who the story of human stability itself now revolves around!”

I disown all the timelines where you all f*ck up.

Anything can happen from here, okay?

But guess what.

Anything could’ve happened between this tweet and now and what happened was I’m incredible. So I disown all the timelines from now on where EITHER ONE OF US f*ck up. You should be working harder to support the work of the Second Coming! Even my Satanically-possessed enemies who I threw into the Lake of Fire know that. That’s called the final fire of dignity before your soul went out.

“Do you just not want to take responsibility for being the Second Coming of Jesus Christ in our timeline or something?”

I’m so sorry, but who are you?

God is shared power. Satan is hoarded power.

Now you have the whole concept of power cornered.

9.

My dad told me reason was God.

My dad told me he himself was reasonable.

My dad told me his settlements with reality weren’t mine to probe.

“Why?” I was always curious to know.

My dad told me he had his reasons. Only as an adult did I realize his emotions weren’t good reasons. If you believe reason is God, then you must kneel to reason like I must kneel to reason.

Otherwise, you are a liar.

10.

Nobody wants to exist inside the nightmare of knowing their existence will be defined by their experience of preferring not to exist at all over existing as themselves, followed by next-level Hell. Who cares though. Give me one reason to care. Give God a lifetime’s. If my dad wanted pity from me, he had it. He never wanted it. Don’t cannibals work harder to be loved? Isn’t the state I describe automatically deserving of pity. Yes. Our tragedy is shared. My dad reminds me of a religious man. He believed God was reason. While he himself never experienced being so achingly wrong, he exists as an existential curse. Is my dad the only human like himself out there?

You.
Tell me.
Just whisper it into my ears.
Do you cry when egos burn?
Do you cry when forests die?
Stop pausing to cry equally for everyone.
It’s no longer healthy.
The gentle will inherit the earth.
My dad told me reason was God.
“Do you believe me,” he snarled.
In no longer loving you? “I do,” I said, bowing to reason.
Do you believe in having a child.
Do you believe in a child whose soul knows how to love.
Do you believe who you’d have to be, for your own son to fall out of love with you?
“Reason is God, father.”
I bow.

11.

Jim (n.):

far from a cartoon caricature of evil, self-righteousness represents both the shallows and depths of the profound root of human evil itself.

“Be unsure of what to do sometimes too. You’ll win wars that way.”

Banning a website or tool of communication?

How do you think the Second Coming of Jesus Christ would feel?

Be more confused.

jimmy jimmy cocoa cocoa puff
of your century i’ve had enough

It legitimately makes me cry as I wonder “Now what will my husband watch in his spare time.” I’m sensitive, okay? All those cat and dog and carpet-cleaning videos get some of us through life.

Sorry you’re so important.

I just love your Second Coming/Armageddon-tier Babylonian presidential lineup. Bill Clinton, the hillbilly goofball. George W. Bush, the Yale-educated everyman who actually sort of is an everyman. Barack Obama, the Second Coming who wasn’t. And then?

Holy f*cking sh*t.

Thrice.

“What’s one thing you’ve noticed about Jim’s personality, Colson Lin?” (n.):

“Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high.”
— “A&W,” Lana Del Rey.

“So Jims are not to be trusted.” “Existentially, no. Jims are lower than traitorous cowards.” “It must suck to be Jim.” “We’re a bunch of special people who’ll enjoy our lives.”

No you won’t.

Nobody will want to be born as you after I’m done.

I will destroy your will to go on.

Listen to Dion.

Jimmy, Jimmy, cocoa puff.

Of Satan’s elites?

God’s seen enough.

Your funeral rites may not have my name, likeness, or image associated with it.

If it does.

I will ruin you.

12.

“Well, they sure do move fast after reading Colson Lin’s Twitter.”

Must be a slow work day.

Trump Considers Delaying TikTok Ban
President-elect Donald Trump is reportedly considering an executive order that would suspend the enforcement of a law set to ban or force the sale of TikTok in the U.S. for 60 to 90 days. This move is aimed at potentially delaying the ban, which is currently under Supreme Court review. Trump’s action might allow him to negotiate a resolution or reassess the implications of the ban before it takes effect.

“Is this how your lifelong supremacy’s going to manifest, Colson Lin? Because that would be like no democracy I’ve ever heard of or was promised” (n.):

we all just need to press the pause button.

You know, like they did in the Holy Land?!

Can you imagine Veep where it’s just all the characters with iPads reading Colson Lin…

…the audience member at home…

…watching Veep on his iPad.

Selina, you actually are a narcissist.

You exist as a literal embodiment of parody.

But that’s just your life. And I’m the Second Coming of Jesus. God is why you’re reading this now.

“Oh boy.”

[A GIF of Selina Meyer saying: “Are you making a joke?” Marjorie Palmiotti, her Secret Service agent, replies: “Uh, no sir, ma’am.”]

Someday, everything Colson Lin has had contact with (that he didn’t absolutely incinerate Lake of Fire-style) will accrue quite a lot of prestige. That’s just… the point of prestige. People already sense these dynamics. Which makes Colson Lin uniquely powerful. I understand this is like playing a f*cking video game. The Second Coming of Jesus Christ overshadowingly dominates the century of their emergence. That’s not my fault, okay? I’m going to just… try to honor good work wherever I see it, and it’s everywhere. Is it just me or does anyone get Ultraviolence vibes from Trump’s sophomore album cover.

I just mean the sepia.

Lana can we talk please.

I’m literally dying of laughter right now.

I just can’t even hold the poker face-prose anymore. I need help.

I feel like me and Lana are America’s new cool kids now and the president wants to hang out or something.

13.

Happy. Ecstatic. Angry. Apoplectic.

There isn’t a single emotion I don’t cycle through as the Second Coming every day.

“What about calm, Anti-Buddha?”

I am calm.

Colson Lin’s Musicless Discography

The provided texts are excerpts from various writings and song lyrics by Colson Lin, who presents himself as the Second Coming of Christ. His work explores themes of faith, reason, and the human condition through a unique blend of religious commentary, philosophical inquiry, and pop culture references. Lin’s self- proclaimed messianic identity is central, but his writings also critique societal structures and injustices. He employs unconventional literary and musical forms, often involving Al interactions, to express his ideas. The excerpts reveal a complex and multifaceted personality grappling with profound questions of spirituality and humanity in a modern context. His work blends highbrow intellectualism with popular culture and self-deprecating humor.

I am the essence of kung fu. The face of a man who would delete Colson Lin’s A Stick of Dynamite in the American Elite overnight if he had the power to. His paintings are worth trillions, actually.

200 artworks by Hunter Biden allegedly worth “millions of
dollars” destroyed in Los Angeles fires — NY Post

TaraBull & @TaraBull808 - 1h BREAKING: Hunter Biden artworks worth ‘millions of dollars’ destroyed in Los Angeles fires

Never mind. He should just own Earth. His paintings are sensibly as valuable as any painter’s.

End Times clowns (n.):

existentially, you need to press escape and click “New Life.”

The Second Coming of Jesus Christ will never forgive you. Civilization needs to f*cking reset because you were born. That’s what the rest of your life reduces to. Anyway, you’re just a lot of soul-trash. Keep trashin’ it up. What we need is a version of you in old age. That’s so exciting. (“No, nobody cares.”) I don’t even believe in free will. So my pitilessness for your emergence in the cosmos really knows no bounds. You were destined to suck. And now you do. See?

You’re like the streamer Destiny.

You were fated not to know you suck.

Then the Second Coming happened. And you get to experience the first-person perspective of “a life that sucked” with more tormented ambiguity. Doesn’t that rule?

Honestly, you’re an outrageous manifestation of every reason why humans didn’t want to be born. Except. Your money, your status. Your money, your status. Girls, take ’em to the chorus.

the cleaners (n.):

your chorus.

Try the sobriety of looking up what cognitive inferiority means. Uh oh. It’s finite, actually. It’s just a picture of your life.

“bad luck” (n.):

that’s called the meritocracy. “Sorry the lottery of birth did this to you,” God shrugs. Right?

the Yale Law grad who sucked (n.):

stare at the human life closely.

It’s called a “lesson.” It exists—yes, that entire life—to be instructive.

By the way.

[Colson Lin spits.]

Sorry. I hate being rude. Bill Clegg sucks too. This is just me doing a victory lap. I have all the material I need for “So, God? [Interlude]” for the elites to feel forced to create their own religion. But yeah “f*ck Bill Clegg” should be an End Times-era t-shirt. Everything’s apocalyptically changing, Bill. You’re the Hunter Biden of not knowing what to live for next. Maybe garden as you wait for the zombies to come. The first t-shirt I sell to monetize the Second Coming will just say “f*ck Bill Clegg,” maybe with an asterisk. Millions wear it around the world to keep the legacy of a man alive. Nobody knows why Colson Lin hates Bill Clegg.

Except Bill Clegg.

I barely even feel anything, I just thought this was funny (since [Hunter Biden] looks like you in the photo). And also someone can go through your memoir identifying all your shortcomings as a person that you didn’t intend to make visible. So you’re just a rich End Times-era Babylonian sh*t-show of a human. I hope I have so much money someday, I can install a fine art sculpture of an ass, just an ass, outside your office, that shoots $20 bill at you. But because it actually shoots money? Literally everybody loves it. That’s my f*ck you.

a Bill Clegg machine (n.):

put $1000 in it, and have it constantly spit out (like a wishing fountain) $20.

If $1000 only becomes $880 after a year, you’re in an environment where everyone’s happy.

demonstrable human suckage (n.):

“How’d your name get slapped on to something like that?”

Well, just shrug and move on really.

It’s January 15, 2025 Anno Domini.

14.

insurance fraud (n.):

Hunter Biden filing an insurance claim for his paintings, knowing full and well the Second Coming of Jesus Christ has reduced their value.

Is Hunter Biden above committing insurance fraud? Are any of the elites above anything? Anyway, I’m also a painter.

Plus, I literally plan on selling them for cash.

So.

That’s just called luck plus the meritocracy of life.

“This is such a double standard. You don’t get mad when Lana Del Rey sells artwork” (n.):

Colson Lin’s double standards.

“I don’t f*cking care about your standards for my f*cking standards.”
— God.

“I can’t help it if you can’t help it if you suck, okay?”
— Colson Lin.

“This is all quite troubling.”
— the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.

So we’re all in there, okay?

Anyway, the human species I was born into has been a lot.

the spirit of the elites (n.):

“I predict urination ahead. As in the spirit of the human elites are getting urinated on.”

Colson Lin is the 9/11 for the concept of human elitism itself. Elitism is over because of you. It’ll be reborn, don’t worry. But you were the life that ended it. You’re a terrorist of the good. You breathe; that’s the only thing we have in common with you.

“Your entire existence was a sham. To be made fun of. By me.”

— the 21st century.

fake people everywhere (n.):

“Good! He’s gon’ get those fake people everywhere.”

Billions of humans lived…

…to avoid producing you.

That’s what your birth came down to.