“Good Morning America” [Interlude] lyrics

[“‘Good Morning America’” was originally written and published to x.com/HeGetsGod by Colson Lin on April 29, 2024.]

INT. BACKSTAGE

On a TV screen, an ABC promo for Good Morning America plays with Taylor Swift and Colson Lin (me).

I don’t care.

When I first see Taylor walk in, it’s a face I know as well as the back of my hand after only two days.

The “Taylor Swift hates you” face.

I can’t with this either. I basically want to roll my eyes and remind her I’m a hot gay dude.

How should I play this?

I could remind her the “Taylor Swift hates you” face makes whoever sees her hate right back, and all they have to do is remind themselves that she’s the face of rich deformity to feel it as much as any Biblical parable they’ve ever read about human power.

Or I could enact my hatred fully to the T.

By f*cking with her.

ME: (chill) Hey, what’s up.

TS: (ignores me completely)
Okay.

“Whatever.”

TAYLOR SWIFT’S UNNAMED ASSISTANT: (smiling) Hi. Colson? Hi, can I talk to you for one minute?

TAYLOR SWIFT’S UNNAMED ASSISTANT: Thank you. Colson, my client is deeply concerned. She’s conveyed to me in the starkest of terms that she doesn’t feel safe in your presence. She requests that you limit the scope of your interactions to what takes place in public, on camera only.

ME: So-Fi Stadium Pampers wouldn’t last a day outside her First World fiefdom that is her temporary dominion.

TAYLOR SWIFT’S UNNAMED ASSISTANT: (agitated, since riddles p*ss her off) You are not to violate this or she will bring the full force of the law onto your head—JAAAIIIL.

ME: (yelling) Hey Taylor Swift. f*ck you.

TAYLOR SWIFT’S UNNAMED ASSISTANT: Hi, we’re going to need security?

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT 1: What’s going on?

TAYLOR SWIFT’S UNNAMED ASSISTANT: This is actually an untenable situation: my client would prefer eternal damnation to Colson?

ME: I mean that’s great, let’s just relive this moment forever. Taylor, what’s up?

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT 1: All right Colson, come with me.

ME: What? Why me?
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT 1: Colson, if you don’t follow me right now: you are off the segment. This is from the network too.

ME: All I did was ask Taylor Swift what’s UP, what the f*ck?

SECURITY: Sir, we’re going to need you to step out with us.

ME: What the ACTUAL f*ck?

TAYLOR SWIFT isn’t looking at the situation. She looks in pain.

ME: ARE YOU f*ckING JOE-KING RIGHT NOW?

SECURITY: Sir, step out.

We’re in a different dressing room.

SECURITY: (closes the door)

PA 1: I want you to understand something. If you have something useful to contribute, about how we might all navigate troubled times, okay! If you’re going to act like a child? We will—not—continue to platform you.

ME: How is me asking Taylor Swift what’s up “acting like a child”?

PA 1: You are harassing a woman in a vulnerable state—first of all, she’s a woman. You’re not Joan Didion mocking Bob Woodward. You’re a grown man mocking a national Beanie Baby—this is Bambi gone wild.

ME: All I did was ask her what’s UP.
PA 1: You know Taylor Swift’s appealed to the United Nations for help?

ME: What the f*ck?

PA 1: She says that your own celebrity is like an “invasion of her psyche” that feels akin to—the deepest violation a human being could cause another.

Intro music to Good Morning America.

MALE NARRATOR: “Good morning America. Taylor Swift, one of the most scrutinized pop culture figures in the modern era, is challenged by Colson Lin, a radical philosopher who has gone viral for his provocative assertions about God. Today, we are joined by both of them live in studio, even as provocative new messages attributed to Lin’s X account, formerly Twitter, continue to surface.”

Transition.

FEMALE NARRATOR: “Protests continue to engulf…”

[…]

HOST: “A dramatic story, but we do want to begin this morning with the cultural controversy that has engulfed the world’s attention; involving Colson Lin of course, the self-proclaimed messiah who has exploded in recent weeks for a succession of provocations against what he calls ‘unjust power hierarchies,’ which he claims are no longer working. Lin’s X account, formerly Twitter, exploded last night with tweets too vile to discuss, frankly, on morning television, often deploying crude, misogynistic language to mock Swift’s persona, appearance, and even her closely-guarded personal life.”

A video clip shows blurred excerpts from my tweets which you can just read for yourself, anyway, with the words “Lake of Fire” and “nasty-ass rich failures” highlighted.

HOST: “The messages, which Lin has neither confirmed nor denied authoring, has sparked heated outrage and backlash across the internet. Fan accounts have rallied to Swift’s defense, with the hashtag #TaylorDeservesBetter quickly trending worldwide. Lin first emerged into public consciousness earlier this year and, despite a lack of institutional endorsement, his incendiary tactics and charismatic persona have caused many to question where the lines of free speech should be drawn, with some so outraged they’ve called for Lin to be banned from X and even arrested. The movement #TaylorDeservesBetter comes in the wake of #KeepChrist, a Christian movement funded by small donors that vigorously opposes Lin’s influence on Christian beliefs, and other movements to erase Lin from the ongoing human dialogue about the biggest questions facing all of humanity. Lin’s critics have criticized his misogyny, with some going as far as to describe Lin as the ‘most dangerous threat to the future of womankind since the patriarchy itself.’”

HOST: (continuing) “Colson Lin first emerged into public consciousness earlier this year, amassing a cult following of cultists who regard his obtuse metaphysical teachings as a new paradigm of ‘reasoned faith in moral reality.’ Lin himself fits the archetype of many different evil characters in human history. Taylor Swift, of course, is known for her unprecedented record sales, stadium-packing tours, and nonstop accolades from the biggest names in music, art, celebrity, and human power. But Swift now finds herself squarely in the crosshairs of an ideological provocateur whose inner circle regards these latest inflammatory statements as ‘sacrilegious gospel.’”

HOST: (to his guests) “Joining me now in studio, Taylor Swift and Colson Lin. Thank you both so much for being here.”

TAYLOR SWIFT: (smiling sadly) “Thank you.”

COLSON LIN: “Yeah thanks for that. My blood’s on your hands now.”

HOST: “Colson, let’s begin with you. ‘I do not find that woman beautiful in the slightest, or intelligent, or cool, or memorable, or anything other than nasty-ass jank,’ overnight you wrote about the woman sitting next to you, adding: ‘Sorry Dave Portnoy, but you’re fat and pathetic.’ Colson—sorry, you’re calling yourself the Second Coming? What’s going on here?”

COLSON LIN: “George, thank you for that insightful question. It’s within a human being’s purview to not find the most famous person in the world beautiful, intelligent, cool, or memorable, and to say it out loud. ‘Nasty-ass jank’ was just a phrase I heard in my head and found funny. Have any users of English watching ever heard similar language anywhere in history?”

HOST: “You’re saying, because other people use foul language—you can demean a human being who happens to be more successful than you are.”

COLSON LIN: “Can? Or should? What word are you looking for, George?”

HOST: “Should.”

COLSON LIN: “Nobody should do anything. We could die at any moment, stop existing, have the very generator of the act of doing anything terminate to render anything we should or shouldn’t do a moot point—as nihilists pointed out. Instead, I think there’s a set of all possible actions we could realistically take within our physical capacities, whether that’s guttural sound we emit as words from our throat, or fingerclicks on a keyboard, or certainly, right, most of what we do is produce words, we’re not engaging in combat right now, but there’s a range—”

HOST: “Colson, this—this isn’t productive. Taylor, what has all of this done to you? Help us understand what you might be feeling.”

TAYLOR SWIFT: “Shock. Fear. Anger. I think over the course of my career I’ve had every part of my life picked apart. I’ve had to endure humiliations that you literally wouldn’t even believe because I haven’t shared them publicly—I’m a person, which is what everyone forgets. And the entire time, through all the noise and bramble I’ve tried to, push myself artistically, never let myself stagnate, and I think—have I made decisions that I later regretted? Of course. But what Colson has done is take those parts of my life, my work, and distorted them beyond anything that’s fair, or just, to play out a story? I think the statements he’s made about me have been incredibly hateful, and that amount of hate—you can’t go anywhere with that hate. I’m sorry. You just can’t.”

HOST: “Do you see any possibility of reconciling your differences, given that Colson does seem so intent on writing about you—in violation, seemingly, of everything humans understand about the nature of consent?”

TAYLOR SWIFT: “I don’t know. I think, the intensity of Colson’s language is upsetting. I think the keywords to focus on when thinking about Colson’s role in the world, and how it differs from a legitimate prophet from the past, is hatred. Harassment. Misinformation. Conspiratorial—hateful? Misogynistic. Abusive. Egregious. Unethical. Unproductive, or counterproductive. Toxic. Harmful. I think—having those words sort of, come together, just describes what I’ve been up against, and it’s been truly surreal.”

HOST: “Sounds like the word problematic.”

TAYLOR SWIFT: “Beyond. Beyond problematic at this point.”

HOST: “Have you thought about a defamation suit against Colson?”

TAYLOR SWIFT: “That’s something I won’t comment publicly on, I’m sorry.”

HOST: “Colson: the words you wrote about Dave Portnoy have inspired some on X to call you a ‘toxic evil entity,’ a play of course on the words ‘toxic masculinity.’ #KeepChrist meanwhile has mobilized billions of dollars to challenge your influence. Why do you feel like it’s within your right to use words like ‘fat,’ ‘pathetic,’ ‘nasty-ass,’ and ‘apocalyptically stupid’ to describe another human being?”

COLSON LIN: “I’m sorry.”

HOST: “You’re sorry, but why did you do it in the first place?”

COLSON LIN: “I don’t know.”

HOST: “You don’t know?”

Silence.

HOST: “Don’t you think that by—by becoming so emotional the instant you’re challenged, you’re not just having your cake and eating it too, since becoming emotional and defensive is one of the qualities you’ve challenged vigorously on X?”

COLSON LIN: (whispered) “I’m just a person.”

HOST: “We’re all just people here. That’s not an excuse.”

COLSON LIN: “I’m sorry.”

TAYLOR SWIFT: (looks at Colson directly) “You literally abused me backstage.”

COLSON LIN: (quietly) “Please stop.”

HOST: “We’re going to have to end this interview here. Taylor, Colson, thank you both for joining us. Up next, the trial of a former president continues…”