Titties & Beer lyrics

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
Cause the sky's too tight
I heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me

I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets
Were actin' weird up here
'N so I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . "
But there was no reply
Cause she was gone

"Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!"
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil
He's about this big
He had a red suit on
An' a widow's peak
An' then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright
I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know, it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, "You sonofab*tch!"
Cause I was mad at him
Well he just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said: BANG BANG BANG

Then the sucker just laughed 'n said:

Terry:
Oh, put it away
You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?

FZ:
You ate my Chrissy?
Terry:
Titties 'n all!

FZ:
Well, what about the beer then, boy?

Terry:
Ah . . . Were the cans this tall?

FZ:
Even her boots?

Terry:
Would I lie to you?

FZ:
sh*t, you musta been hungry!

Terry:
Yes, this is true

FZ:
Don't they pay you good
For the stuff that you do?

Terry:
Well, you know
I can't complain when the checks come through
FZ:
Well I want my Chrissy
'N I want my beer
So you just barf it back up
Now, Devil, do you hear?

Terry:
Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
I mean, I am the Devil
Do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your
Titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here

FZ:
Yer goddam right, you
Son-of-a-whore

Terry:
Don't call me that!

FZ:
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for
Gimme that paper . . . bet yer ass I will sign
Because I need a beer
'N it's titty-squeezin' time!

Terry:
Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had

FZ:
Oh, yeah?

Terry:
Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too
'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you

FZ:
Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, you're the Devil so
Whatcha gonna do?

Terry: Wait a minute . . . a tinge of doubt crosses my mind when you say that you want to make a deal with me
FZ: That's very, very true
Terry: Wait . . . you ain't supposed to wanna make a deal with me
FZ: Ah, but I'm slightly different than your average customer, Devil
Terry: But, wait . . . but most people don't want to make a deal with me . . . Wha
FZ: Yeah
Terry: What's your story?
FZ: Well, most people are afraid of you, see? They don't know how stupid you are . . . I happen to know that you jack off to a picture of Punky Meadows when you get home
Terry: Grrah . . . Stupid . . . Grrh
FZ: You know . . . ever since that guy told you that he contained more fluid than Jeff Beck you've been tryin' to outdo him . . . Awright, look, I'm gonna say one thing to you . . . this may not register right away, but let me say this . . . leave your pickle alone for a couple of nights, you know what I mean . . . ? Now, come on! I'm only interested in a couple of things . . . (Wait, is that a note for me? Is somebody passing me a note? What does this say . . . ? "Frank, please do me a favour, I can't find a brother of mine, I could dig it if you could call him from stage. His name is Dirty Tom Nomads M.C.," signed "Thanks, Bear" or "Bean," I can't tell . . . Well, if he's out there . . . Dirty Tony De La Nomads M.C. get in touch with Bean or Bear . . . ) And as I was sayin', Devil, I'm an average sort of a person, I'm . . . you wouldn't believe it, but . . . I'm very much like the people here in this audience tonight
Terry: What?
FZ: I think we definitely have something in common
Terry: Wait a minute, I thought you had funny things growing in your hair and all that other stuff . . . I thought . . . write weird music, you know, I thought
FZ: Listen
Terry: . . . biker and everything, I mean, sh*t, you know?
FZ: . . . listen carefully
Terry: . . . big tittie chic that you just had out here with the camera, I mean, you know
FZ: Listen carefully to me, oh, Devil
Terry: Uh-huh . . . FZ: I'm only interested in two things
Terry: Yeah
FZ: See if you can guess what they are
Terry: I would think . . . uh . . . let's see, maybe . . . uh
FZ: Well, I'll give you
Terry: Stravinsky . . . and, uh
FZ: I'll give you two clues
Terry: . . . let's see . . . uh
FZ: Let go of your pickle
Terry: What?
FZ: Let go of your pickle!
Terry: I'm not holding my pickle
FZ: Well, who's holding your pickle then?
Terry: I don't know . . . ha! She's out in the audience . . . Hey, Dale, would you like to come up here and hold my pickle to satisfy this weird man out here on the stage?
FZ: You're probably wondering why we call it a pickle
Ray: Ha ha ha!
Terry: Oh, no
FZ: I don't . . . I hate . . . I hate to squeal on you, Bozzio, I mean, Devil . . . but, look, I'm only interested in two things
Terry: Now, wait a minute . . . all I have to say is God help me! . . . Even though I have this . . . this f*cking mask on
FZ: Ha ha ha ha ha . . . ! Listen, if you think that mask looks bad, you oughta see his pickle . . . I'm only interested in two things, that's titties and beer, you know what I mean?
Terry: What?
FZ: Yeah
Terry: Titties and beer?
FZ: Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer
Terry: (Growling) Whoa, I don't know if you're the right guy!
FZ: . . . titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer

Terry:
No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think
I mean

FZ: Alright!

Terry:
Hold on a second, boy
Cause that's Magic Ink!

And then the Devil let go of his pickle
'N out jumped m'girl
They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN'
All around the world, she said:

"I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS
AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO f*ck YOU CLOWNS!"

Then she gave us the finger
It was rigid 'n stiff
That's when the Devil, he farted
An' she went right over the cliff

(Whoa . . . Tinsel Time!)

Well, the Devil was mad
I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do de

FZ: Awright . . . awright, that . . . that's enough for the Devil and his famous pickle . . . We're goin' to make another dramatic if . . . if somewhat . . . rickety segue into another song called Cruisin' For Burgers, wait a minute