Titties ’N Beer lyrics

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
Cause the sky's too tight
I heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me

I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets
Were actin' weird up here
'N so I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . "
But there was no reply
Cause she was gone

"Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!"
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil
He's about this big

He had a red suit on
An' a widow's peak
An' then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright
I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know, it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, "You sonofab*tch!"
Cause I was mad at him
Well he just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said: BANG BANG BANG

Then the sucker just laughed 'n said:

Terry:
Oh, put it away
You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?

FZ:
You ate my Chrissy?

Terry:
Titties 'n all!

FZ:
Well, what about the beer then, boy?

Terry:
Ah . . . Were the cans this tall?

FZ:
Even her boots?

Terry:
Would I lie to you?

FZ:
sh*t, you musta been hungry!

Terry:
Yes, this is true

FZ:
Don't they pay you good
For the stuff that you do?
Terry:
Well, you know
I can't complain when the checks come through


FZ:
Well I want my Chrissy
'N I want my beer
So you just barf it back up
Now, Devil, do you hear?

Terry:
Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
I mean, I am the Devil
Do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your
Titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here

FZ:
Yer goddam right, you
Son-of-a-whore

Terry:
Don't call me that!

FZ:
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for
Gimme that paper...bet yer ass I will sign
Because I need a beer
'N it's titty-squeezin' time!

Terry:
Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had

FZ:
Oh, yeah?

Terry:
Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too
'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you

FZ:
Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, you're the Devil so
Whatcha gonna do?

Terry: Wait a minute . . . a tinge of doubt crosses my mind when you say that you want to make a deal with me
FZ: That's very, very true
Terry: Wait . . . you ain't supposed to wanna make a deal with me
FZ: Ah, but I'm slightly different than your average customer, Devil
Terry: But, wait . . . but most people don't want to make a deal with me . .
FZ: Yeah well I’m only interested in two things, that's titties and beer, you know what I mean?
Terry: What?
FZ: Yeah
Terry: Titties and beer?
FZ: Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer
Terry: (Growling) Whoa, I don't know if you're the right guy!
FZ: . . . titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer

Terry:
No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think
I mean

FZ: Alright!

Terry:
Hold on a second, boy
Cause that's Magic Ink!

And then the Devil let go of his pickle
'N out jumped m'girl
They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN'
All around the world, she said:

"I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS
AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO f*ck YOU CLOWNS!"

Then she gave us the finger
It was rigid 'n stiff
That's when the Devil, he farted
An' she went right over the cliff

(Whoa . . . Tinsel Time!)

Well, the Devil was mad
I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?