The Miracle of Childbirth lyrics

(spoken)
Your father f*cked your mother. At least once, your father and your mother were in bed, and your father got a hard-on, and he stuck it inside your mother and they f*cked. Sometimes maybe your father f*cked your mother in the ass, and maybe on the night that you were conceived maybe they did that, before or after, or maybe they didn't, maybe your father never f*cked your mother's ass, but on the night that you were conceived, one thing is certain: your father f*cked your mother in her c*nt

Maybe your mother sucked your father's di*k first, and maybe your father ate your mother's pus*y. Maybe your father sucked your mother's clit while sticking a finger or two up your mother's slit until she got really wet. Maybe he got his whole hand up there. If you have older brothers or sisters, then your father probably could have gotten his whole hand up there. If not, then maybe not. But at some point, your mother was wet and loose enough to accommodate your father, and they f*cked

Maybe they did it doggy-style. Maybe your mother got on top of your father. Maybe your parents liked to talk dirty to each other when they were f*cking

Maybe your mother screamed, "Oh daddy. Oh daddy. f*ck me, daddy, f*ck me, f*ck me, f*ck me," and then maybe your daddy shouted, "Here it comes! Here it comes! Get ready, b*tch, here I come," and then maybe your mother said, "Come in me, come in me, come in me! Oh yeah, baby, f*ck your mommy, f*ck your momma's sweet pus*y, oh yeah, daddy, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah."

Or maybe they were very quiet

But at any rate, eventually your father came and his sperm shot out of his di*k and it went up your mother's c*nt and it fertilized her egg and that was you. That was you in your mother's womb, growing like a virus for nine months, making your mother fatter and fatter, making her sick, making her vomit, making her hate your father for doing this to her, making her hate you, this thing inside of her, like a virus, growing and sucking, like a leech attached to her, sucking her blood, drinking her like a vampire fetus, growing and sucking and growing and sucking until one day you want out, and you burst through the snotty membrane and you pop out of your mother's c*nt all covered with blood, and a bloody umbilical cord still attaches you to the inside of your mother somewhere 'til someone snips it off and you are severed. You are a separate being

This is the miracle of childbirth. To some, it is proof that there is a God

Now after you were born, maybe you sucked milk out of your mother's tit. Maybe your father wiped the sh*t off your sh*tty ass. I don't know. You'll have to ask them. But that is basically the way people are born. In a nutshell, that is it. Unless you were a test tube baby, which you weren't, so just face it: your father f*cked your mother, and the next time you're f*cking somebody, just try to keep that in mind

(sung ad-libs, including the following)
Miracle
Miracle

f*ck me, daddy, f*ck me, f*ck me, f*ck me, f*ck me, f*ck me

Here I come
Here I come
Get ready, b*tch, here I come
Miracle
Miracle
Miracle
Miracle
Miracle

Oh daddy, oh daddy, oh daddy, oh daddy, oh daddy, oh daddy

Miracle