[ZACH]
Hey guys, come here, look at this!
[SAM]
What's up?
[TIMMY]
What is it, dude?
[TIMMY, SAM, DARREN, AND TREVOR]
Ah!
[DARREN]
Dude!
[SAM]
C'mon!
[ZACH]
Yeah!
[SAM]
You got your di*k hanging out!
[TIMMY]
Gross!
[ZACH]
No, no, no, no, check it out. I was looking at myself in the mirror today, and I realized I have got a beautiful p*nis.
[TIMMY]
Zach, that's not something you show your friends.
[TREVOR]
Yeah, dude. Not cool. Let's get out of here, guys. Zach's being gross.
[TIMMY]
Yeah. C'mon, Sam. Let's blow out of Squaresville.
*Pause*
[TREVOR]
Sam. C'mon. Sam. Sam! Are you staring at his wiener?
[SAM]
What? No I'm not!
[TIMMY]
Yeah, you were! You were staring at Zach's di*k!
[SAM]
No, I wa- I was staring at something past his di*k.
[TREVER]
No, you were staring right at his p*nis.
[SAM]
So-so what if I was? He's right. It's kinda nice.
[TREVER]
Oh my god.
[TIMMY]
Ugh, Squaresville!
[TREVOR]
Timmy, shut up.
[SAM]
Kinda looks like a big tube of cookie dough.
[ZACH]
Yeah!
[TREVOR]
Ugh!
[TIMMY]
Oh, god!
[TREVOR]
Well, he's kinda right. It does look like that. You know what it kinda looks like? It looks like the trunk of a majestic redwood.
[SAM]
Yeah, with veins!
[ZACH]
Yeah!
[TREVOR]
It kinda looks like a sleepy baby seal, all snuggled up in a sleeping bag.
[SAM]
Yeah, with veins! You know what it reminds me of?
[TREVOR AND ZACH]
Summertime.
[SAM AND ZACH]
Yeah!
[TIMMY]
Ugh, gross!
[ZACH]
Uh-huh! You know, I think looking at it is kind of like looking at your favorite song. Does that make sense?
[TREVOR]
No, I get that.
[SAM]
Yeah, yeah
[TIMMY]
Oh my god! Squaresville! Population: three!
[ZACH]
Do you guys wanna see my p*nis do a trick?
[TREVOR]
Of course!
[SAM]
Yeah we do!
[TIMMY]
Okay, okay. Leaving Squaresville city limits!
[TREVOR]
Timmy, stop saying that.
[ZACH]
Okay, watch this.
*Short slide whistle sound*
[SAM AND TREVOR]
Whoa!
[ZACH]
Yeah, I know, I know! Okay, for my next trick, I'm gonna need a volunteer.
[SAM]
Oh, oh!
[TREVOR]
Me me me me!
[SAM]
Pick me! Pick me!
[ZACH]
Uh, Sam!
[TREVOR]
Ah.
[SAM]
Yes!
[ZACH]
Okay, Sam, kneel down there.
[TIMMY]
Oh, guys!
[ZACH]
Okay, now put this up-
[SAM]
Okay-
[ZACH]
-like that.
[SAM]
Right there?
[ZACH]
Little higher.
[SAM]
Alright.
[ZACH]
And, tilt your head back like that. Okay, good, good.
*Long descending slide whistle sound*
[TREVOR]
Oh my god!
[TIMMY]
Oh, my god, guys! Ugh!
[ZACH]
Wait, wait for it, wait for it.
*Long ascending slide whistle sound*
*Ding*
[TREVOR]
Unbelievable!
[SAM]
Oh! I feel complete!
[TIMMY]
This is so square, you guys! Let's go!
[TREVOR]
Timmy!
[ZACH]
Look, look what else it does, guys. Check it out. I can make it smoke a joint.
[TREVOR]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
[SAM]
Your p*nis smokes weed?
[TREVOR]
Y'know, I'm starting to agree with Timmy, Sam. This is Squaresville.
[SAM]
C'mon, guys. We don't have to hang out with Ganja Dong over here.
[TREVOR]
That's right, kids! If you've smoked weed, then you've got a square p*nis. And another thing: if you've ever smoked weed, I hope you parents die.