Audition Skit lyrics

[HENRY]
You ready for these auditions, dawg?

[ROMEO]
I'm ready, dawg
You ready, Johnny?

[JOHNNY]
No doubt, let's go

[ROMEO]
Let the first one in

[AUDITION #1]

[AUDITIONER #1]
Aventura, what's up man?

[ROMEO]
What's going on?

[AUDITIONER #1]
How y'all doing?

[MAX]
What's your name, man?
[AUDITIONER #1]
Aight, my name is Federico, but they call me FedEx

[HENRY]
Why they call you FedEx?

[AUDITIONER #1]
'Cause I deliver straight up and down

[ROMEO]
Alright, what you doing for us tonight?

[AUDITIONER #1]
I'm gon' do some bachata, some next generation jumbo

[HENRY]
Alright, get started, get started, get started

[AUDITIONER #1]
Alright, hold on, let me find my tone
Eeh
You know I love you, you know I need you
Tú sabes que te quiero, tú sabes que te quiero

[AVENTURA]
Hold up, hold up, hold up
[ROMEO]
I didn't want to call you out

[HENRY]
Are you ready? You ready?

[ROMEO]
What was that at the beginning? Before you started singing, what do you do?

[AUDITIONER #1]
No, that's one of my tone methods, man
That's how I find my tone

[ROMEO]
Wha—, do it again

[AUDITIONER #1]
Hold on, hold on, lemme find my tone
Eeh

[ROMEO, HENRY]
Hold up, hold up, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Yo, listen, we're gonna holla at you, dawg, uhm

[AUDITIONER #1]
Nah, I'm saying, I'm doing what y'all do
It's a Spanglish jumbo
[ROMEO]
No, I know, but we was tryna look for like something new
You know, we already did that

[AUDITIONER #1]
Ah, c'mon, man
Y'all gotta let me shine, alright?
Un más canción es un más corazón, man

[ROMEO]
Yo, I like that, I like the Spanglish, you know

[MAX]
We'll give you a call, man

[AUDITIONER #1]
Oh, y'all ain't gonna holla at me

[HENRY, ROMEO]
Thanks for stopping by
We'll holla, we'll holla

[AUDITIONER #1]
Y'all ain't gonna holla, man

[ROMEO]
We'll holla, dawg

[HENRY]
Aight, let the next one in

[AUDITION #2]

[AUDITIONER #2]
What's up, man, how you doing?

[JOHNNY]
What's your name?

[AUDITIONER #2]
It's a pleasure
They call me El Tigre de la Bachata

[JOHNNY, ROMEO]
El Tigre de la Bachata
That's what's up, man, what you singing today?
What you got for us today, man?

[AUDITIONER #2]
Nah, I got some crazy merengue, got mad mambo
It's called "Tigre"

[HENRY]
That's what we want to hear

[ROMEO]
Alright, let's hear that, let's hear that

[AUDITIONER #2]
Alright, let's do this

[MAX]
Yo, excuse, wait, excuse, excuse me for a moment
Hold on, hold on, I'm kinda like lost

[ROMEO]
What the hell was that?

[AUDITIONER #2]
What's going on?

[MAX]
Were, were those chords? I mean, I'm kinda lost here
There were like, too, it was like too many effects
Too much of that wobble wobble and it was disorganized

[AUDITIONER #2]
What are you talking about? I'm playing like you
That's how you play

[MAX, ROMEO]
A little disorganized, you know what I'm saying?
We don't play like that though
It doesn't sound good, it doesn't, no, seriously

[AUDITIONER #2]
No, so listen, listen, listen, listen
This is off the hook, what you talking about?
How can you not like this?

[ROMEO, HENRY]
Dawg, dawg, dawg, dawg, dawg
You gon' break that pedal
Dawg
You gon' break that pedal
That doesn't sound hot, I don't know, um

[AUDITIONER #2]
Y'all hating, y'all hating
I knew y'all was haters

[HENRY]
Nah, excuse me?

[ROMEO]
Wait, wait, wait a second, wait a second, dawg
Listen, there's no need to disrespect anybody

[AUDITIONER #2]
I'm not disrespecting—

[ROMEO]
Alright, but you saying we hating 'cause we not feeling what you're doing

[AUDITIONER #2]
You're not giving me a chance—

[HENRY]
I'ma tell you what it is, I'ma tell you what it is
Yo, dawgs, I'ma tell you what it is
It's not that we hating
It's just that like you got so many effects going on
You like the future, dawg
We ain't ready for you, we ain't ready for you

[AUDITIONER #2]
Y'all broke the rules, I'ma break more rules

[MAX]
You're horrible

[AUDITIONER #2]
Why you saying I'm horrible? Why you tryna diss me?
You don't hear this? You just can't handle me, son

[HENRY, MAX]
Whatever, man, whatever, son
This guy's funny
Whatever, dawg

[ROMEO]
Dawg, it's not that

[HENRY, MAX]
Thanks for coming, bro, thanks a lot
I'll see you, man
Good luck, good luck, man

[AUDITIONER #2]
I knew y'all were haters, I knew Aventura was haters

[HENRY, MAX]
Alright, bro, good luck
Oh, man, these guys are funny
Too funny, too funny
Let the third one in

[AUDITION #3]

[AUDITIONER #3]
What's up, security? What's up, Aventura?
Romeo, let me find out

[MAX]
What you got for us today, man?

[ROMEO]
What you singing for us?

[AUDITIONER #3]
Oh, me? Nothing

[HENRY]
What you mean "nothing"?

[AUDITIONER #3]
Absolutely nada

[HENRY, JOHNNY]
This is an audition, though
We looking for singers, we looking for talent

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
I'm the manager

[HENRY]
Nah, nah, nah
We don't need no more managers, bro
We got one of those

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
God, listen to these guys, I know, silly
No, no, no, I'm the manager of my own artist

[AVENTURA]
Okay
Where's the artist?
Where's he at? Bring him in

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Oh, he's coming soon

[HENRY]
Well, bring him in
We got a whole bunch of people waiting outside

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
You don't understand
This is not just any other artist, this is like the next thing

[HENRY]
Alright, well, bring him in

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
This is gonna rock your world

[MAX, ROMEO]
Everybody's been saying that the whole day
I know

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
You ready to get with the system?

[HENRY]
We've been ready

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Johnny, I feel some anger in your voice, you feel me?

[JOHNNY]
No, not at all, man, just

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
I feel like something—

[JOHNNY]
Just wanna move forward, man

[ROMEO]
Nobody's hating, man, nobody's hating

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
You ready? Romeo, ¿tú 'tás preparao pa' esto?

[ROMEO]
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
You ready, Lenny?
Okay, come on, yo, TT

[AVENTURA]
TT?
What did he just call him?

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER, AUDITIONER #3]
TT in the house
Yo, what's up, man?

[MAX]
What's your name?

[AUDITIONER #3]
TT

[HENRY]
PP?

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Wha—? Don't call—
Wait, what are you doing?
Don't call my artist PP
No, no, no, it's not PP, it's TT

[HENRY]
It sounded like he was saying PP

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
No, TT, T-T
No, no, P-P

[HENRY]
Oh, my bad, my bad, I take that back
What you going to sing for us, man?

[AUDITIONER #3, AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
I'll sing a new song for you, guys, a bachata
No, don't sing for them yet
Oh, okay
I don't think they're ready for that
Let's show them about the musical talent
Yo, TT, play that note for them
Sentimiento, sentimiento

[ROMEO, JOHNNY]
Wait a second, wait a second
That sounds like "Cuando Volveras"
That sounds just like—

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
What are you talking about?

[JOHNNY]
That's Aventura

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Tú 'tás loco, te patina el coco
What is wrong with you?
That doesn't sound like that
No, no, no, they hating
Listen, listen to me

[JOHNNY]
Lenny made up the chords

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER, AUDITIONER #3]
What are you tal—?
Play it again, TT
Sentimiento

[JOHNNY, HENRY]
That sounds just like "Cuando Volveras"
That's right there Aventura

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
No, listen
Let me break it down to you, dawg
Yours goes like this

[AVENTURA]
That's Aventura

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Wait a second, no
Yours goes like this
Ours goes
It's not the same thing

[JOHNNY]
It's the same thing, you changed it at the end

[ROMEO]
Oh my God, this guy is funny

[AUDITIONER #3, AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
They're already hating
Whatever, man
Yo, let's show them about the vocal talents
Sentimiento, sentimiento
Come on, TT, let 'em know

[AUDITIONER #3, AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
A ella la beso porque la quiero, a ella—
That's it, no more
Don't give them no more

[ROMEO]
What, what the—? What did he just sing?

[AUDITIONER #3, AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Nah, they're already hating, nah, nah, nah
What is wrong with you? What are you talking about?

[ROMEO]
I didn't understand a word he said

[HENRY]
Was he speaking Spanish, English or both?

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Yo, TT, let 'em know again

[AUDITIONER #3]
A ella la beso porque la quiero, a ella—

[ROMEO]
What?
What is that?

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Ooh, give me some more

[ROMEO]
What is he saying?

[HENRY]
We heard enough, we heard enough

[ROMEO]
Yeah, enough is enough, this is a joke, this is a joke

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
What is wrong with you—?

[ROMEO]
Security
Seguridad, saca a estos de aquí, they gotta go

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Wha—, get off me, get off
So who's going to call me?

[ROMEO]
What do you mean who's gonna call you?
Nobody's calling you

[AUDITIONER #3 MANAGER]
Yo, get off me
Llámenme el lunes

[ROMEO]
For real
What's wrong with these guys?

[HENRY]
I sure hope the other ones ain't like that

[ROMEO]
Lenny, this was a bad idea, straight up