Lucas Is A Noodler (Monologue) lyrics

[Interlude]
Lucas is a noodler
He's a noodler
He changes the movies every fifteen minutes
They were fine the first time
*Audience applauding*
You do not need to keep changing them
And if you're gonna change 'em
You know, don't add sh*t to existing scenes
Show us other scenes in between the stuff that happens
Okay, there's like some holes in some of those Star Wars movies
There's some scenes I really wish that he had filmed that he didn't
Here's an example
Empire Strikes Back
Lando Calrissian is leading
Han Solo, Princess Leia, Chewbacca and the gang
To a place where they're gonna sit down and have dinner
They get there and he says
"I just made a deal with the empire to keep them outta here for a long time"
Door opens up, Darth Vader standing there
Captain Solo pulls out his blaster
Darth Vader force pulls it out of his hand
Yes, obviously I played coder
*Audience applauding*
He force pulls it out of his hand
Darth Vader says
"Thank you for joining us, we would be honored by company"
The doors shut
That's a dinner that I would really like to see
*Audience applauding*
That's the dinner that I would really like to see
I mean like, I imagine in my mind like they all sit down, you know
And Vader is like
*Breathing* "Princess Leia" *Breathing* "Would you like some chicken?" *Breathing*
*Audience laughing*
"Lord Darth Vader, only you would be so bold"
*Audience laughing*
"Even the Imperial Senat knows I'm a vegitarian
*Audience laughing*
*Breathing* "It figures, all of you rebels are anarchist vegans" *Breathing*
*Audience laughing*
"3PO" *Breathing* "Try the wine"
*Audience laughing*
"Oh dear, no, it would rust my circuits
*Audience laughing*
*Breathing* "3PO, have you concidered the fact that you might be a homosexual robot?" *Breathing*
*Audience laughing*
*Breathing* "Chewbacca" *Breathing* "Are you going to eat that hotdog?"
*Unintelligible*
"Excellent! Force pull"
*Audience laughing*
"I hate this f*cking helmet"
*Audience laughing*
"Oh wait"
"Delicious"
*Audience laughing*
*Breathing*
*Audience applauding*
This is a scene that I would've really loved to have seen
In the special edition of A New Hope