happy/crazy lyrics
by Dave Malloy
​iv. happy/crazy
SUSAN
​on some nights
​i was filled with abounding joy
​reveling in the absurdity of my situation
​alone in a birch tree forest in latvia
​while the world slowly crumbled apart
​i’d deck myself out
​in my grandmama’s jewels and shawls
​dance and prance about the house
​feeling her energy radiate off my adornments
​exquisite objects that my grandmama wore
​such craft and care
​they hold a piece of her
​they are alive
​i hugged my grandmama’s ghost
​dazzling in the slipstream
​marveling at my solitude
​i am a speck
​i am a speck!
​i am a tiny tiny tiny tiny spеck!
​and oh i like this!
​i like when thе boys are away
​i like when the world is away
​i can laugh and play
​and sing and swing
​and bipbop sting
​and tickle myself
​maybe that’s what i really want from a partner:
​you tickle me for a bit
​i tickle you for a bit
​and then you go the f*ck away
​leave me on my own
​in a blisscloud of weed and wine
​and i am so
SUSAN, POOKIE, BECKETT & WOLF
​happy right now
​i know that i shouldn’t be happy
​but i am so happy right now
SUSAN
​so happy and f*cking new
POOKIE, BECKETT & WOLF
​happy right now…
SUSAN
​no responsibilities
​no bullsh*t—
​just life and trees
​the joy and simplicity of being alive
​but then, there were other nights…
​ / / /
​i feel a bubble of panic inside
​my core is a razor blade waiting to die
​a fire is fuzzing its way up my throat
​as my stomach and liver and brain all revolt
​birch tree branch smoke
​​stinging my eyes
​chair tips back
​and i fall through the sky
​heart skip vertigo
​spasm and shock
​what if my heart gives out?
​what if my mind goes out?
​alone in the forest
​porch swing chain creaks close to collapse
​there’s no way that i can think out of this trap
​cut bare feet on a dizzy tightrope
​when will catastrophe find me?
BECKETT & WOLF
​f*ck around and find out
​f*ck around and find out
​f*ck around and find out
​f*ck around and find out…
SUSAN
​why am i like this?
​why do i need this?
​these constant narcotic distractions—
​stimulation in my mouth
POOKIE
​miss susan!
SUSAN
​annihilation on my mind
POOKIE
​pook pook pook!
SUSAN
​poke poke poking
​at the shimmering veil
​outrunning my thoughts in the thickets
​
POOKIE
​come on miss susan—
SUSAN
​where are the crickets now?
​you little liars…
POOKIE
​time for bed!
​ / / /
SUSAN
​crazy person, coming in
​i stumble in
​and clutch the wall
​this house is too big for me
​the hall looms so long
​i slide and fall
​(susan crashes into a crystal bowl; it shatters.)
​f*ck!
POOKIE
​miss susan!
SUSAN
​the crystal shatters
​shards in a thousand directions
POOKIE (angry)
​miss susan no!
SUSAN, SADIE, BECKETT & WOLF
​if the crystal had a soul
​are there now a thousand souls
​scattered all across the kitchen floor?
​and if the house has a soul
​was the crystal part of that soul?
​is it hurting now?
​am i a part of the soul of this house?
​am i a part of the soul of this world?
SUSAN
​and if i once shared a soul
​what is left after the break?
​(grandfather appears before the record player, staring at the ​spinning disk.)
GRANDFATHER
​crazy
​i’m crazy for feeling—
SUSAN
​grandpapa?
​grandpapa is that you?
GRANDFATHER
​​crazy
​i’m crazy for feeling—
SUSAN
​you abandoned them!
​how dare you leave them!
GRANDFATHER
​crazy
​i’m crazy for feeling—
SUSAN
​reach out, pull back
​reach out, pull back—
​so f*cking crazy
GRANDFATHER
​crazy
​i’m crazy for feeling—
SUSAN (burning herself)
​the cigarette burns my arm
​i can feel the burn—
(grandfather disappears; susan knocks over a tower of books.)
​this is why he left me—
POOKIE (taking on a demon voice)
​reckless!
SUSAN
​i know!
POOKIE
​irresponsible child!
SUSAN
​i know i know!
POOKIE
​you have no impulse control!
SUSAN
​i know i know i know!
POOKIE
​i do not care for chaos miss susan
​do not upset your pūķis!
BECKETT & WOLF
​f*ck around find out
​f*ck around find out
​f*ck around find out
​f*ck around find out
​f*ck around find out
​f*ck around find out
​f*ck around find out
​f*ck around find out
​f*ck around find out
​(susan passes out on the floor.)