Elevator Pitch lyrics

Bro I ain't writing this, this sh*t is 17 mins

[Narrator: Logic]
Alright, so there’s this guy, right? And his name's Christopher Clementine, and his dad died, and, uh, he left him a bunch of money, and his dad always loved to watch f*cking movies with himThey had such a blast watching movies. And when his dad died, he left him all this, all this money right? His life insurance policy, so he packed up everything that he had and he went to Hollywood. But when he was in Hollywood, all he tried to do was be the greatest f*cking writer and movie director of all time. It wasn't so easy. He went all around f*cking Hollywood and nobody liked his sh*t. They said he sucked, they said he was just ripping off Quentin Tarantino and all these motherf*ckers man. So you know what he did He was walking home one day after getting sh*t on, and he saw this guy named David Weinstein. And he said “Hey Weinstein”, Weinstein and as wearing a robe, had his di*k out flopping around eating a f*ckin’ donut. So he goes up to him and he's like, “Yo man, I got this crazy idea for a movie, man”. And he goes, “Get the f*ck OUTTA HERE, KID!!!”. And he freaks out man, he goes home and on his way home he sees this super hot Australian chick. And this ho- hot Australian chick sh- she lives in apartment 2B, get it? To be or not be, is it his love? I don't know, but he's too much of a pus*y to talk to her. He's only got like, 2 grand left ‘cause it's been ten years since his dad died. And then he tells himself he's gonna create something special, something amazing. Now everybody's telling him tha-tha-that he can write man. You know they’re saying “Look kid you got a heart, man, but your just biting everybody”, so you know what he does? He goes to the f*cking store, and then he comes back home, and he sits down in front of a Smith Corona Typewriter from the 1950’s and he says, “I'm gonna f*cking sit here and I’m not going anywhere, until I finish, the greatest script of all f*cking time”, right? Because he loves to write movies about bank robberies, man. f*cking, the greatest f*cking heist film of ALL TIME, alright? So this dude sits down and he says “I'm not leaving til it's done”, but then he forgets he forgot that he forgot to get coffee at the f*cking SUPER MAQUETTE! So you know what he does? He gets out, and then he goes in the f*cking elevator, and he's on his way to the super maquette and that’s when he sees, Penelope, the hot beautiful Australian from 2B or not to be. And she's just standing there in the elevator smokin' f*ckin' hot. Huge tits, fat ass, perfect f*cking face, man. And she's holding this box, man. And then, and then Christopher Clementine. That's the main characters name. He goes, “WHATS IN THE BOX!”. And she FREAKS OUT. Then he- and she's like, “What the f*ck are you talking about?”, and he's like “What's in the box?”. She's like, “What?”, and he's like Brad Pitt, “What's in the box?”. And she's like, “What the f*ck are you talking about?”,and he's like “Seven, Brad Pitt”, and she goes “Oh my god I love Brad Pitt”, and he goes “I know, right?”. ‘Mind you, he would never talk to this chick before, he doesn't even know where he conjured the f*cking, self esteem and the motivation to do it. But he left an impression. So he goes to the f*cking Super Maquette and he comes back, and who does he see? He sees Penelope. And he finds out, that she, loves film, and she came all the way from f*cking Australia to be the biggest movie producer I'm the f*cking universe, man. So it's like, it's like these u- it's like these like- PLANETS COLLIDED, MAN! And they, f*cking start talking every day, and he can't believe her because she's so smokin' hot and her ass is f*cking gigantic, right? But it's not about that, it's also about emotion. And they fall in love man. They fall in love over the love of f*cking film, bro. And he's like, “I wanna make this f*cking great heist movie, but I can't. And she's like, “Yes you can”, and Clementine is like, “How, Penelope?”, and Penelope's like, “Well, I f*cking work in his office, so we're gonna find a time, for you to stroll right in that motherf*cker”. So they figure it out. It's f*cking D-Day, man. He opens, the f*cking elevator doors, he gets up there, and he sneaks into Danny Weinstein's office. Danny Weinstein's immediately like, “Oh, its you again, get the f*ck outta here”, and he's back TO SQUARE ONE!! He's f*cking back, so he's talking to Penelope, he's like, “I just wanna make the greatest bank robbery movie of, all time, how do we do it? You sexy ass motherf*cking gorgeous woman.” And Penelope goes, “I don't know, man, maybe we gotta do it ourself”, and he's like “f*ck that”. Finds out his address, he goes, to, Malibu, to see Danny Weinstein. There's a THOUSAND b*tches on the beach. EVERYones doing cocaine. Weinstein robe is open, f*cking small di*k, going all over the place, he's f*cking crazy, hopping around and sh*t. And he sees- he sees Christopher Clementine, he's sees the protagonist, ‘f*cking story. And he's like, “What are ya doing, here?”, and he grabs a 357 magnum and puts it to the f*cking temple of our protagonist. (Left off at 4:29)